Poor lawyers. They are the most important piece standing between freedom for us as Americans and falsely convicted of beating your step children. The truth is lawyers have always been a vital, noble profession in America. So what went wrong?

The answer is one-part human nature, one-part misunderstanding, and a whole-lotta-parts assholishnes.

If you look at what makes a good lawyer joke, the punchline usually revolves around the lawyer being related to greed. The connotation a lawyer projects in the past century has shifted to screwing people over: YOU, the government, someone else, old ladies, Jewish fellas, Christain fellas, rich, poor, whatever it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the perception in 2009 is lawyers are crooks.

So what about you? Do you feel that way? Do you like lawyer jokes? Do you think they are offensive and unfair? Do you think there is another angle relating to lawyers that makes a good lawyer joke? Share your comments below or post over on our forum!

Hello everyone, Kris here.

The month of May marks the end of our Bar Joke contest. From March 1st to April 31st, our members told over 400  bar jokes. Thank you everyone!

We went through and listened to every single bar joke told. It was a lot of fun. We narrowed it down to a top 10 list, and paneled several people to see which jokes were the funniest. There was one clear-cut winner:

VoiceofElk takes home first place with his joke “Something’s wrong in the wilderness”. VoE will take home a $200 check and another notch in his joke-telling belt.

Second place was not so easy. There were dozens of fantastic jokes from our usual suspects — Johnny Mac, 1anero, Funnybone, Foggy, and more who will probably be upset we didn’t mention them. And even some more from new members — Phlash and Brothersmalls. Thank you to everyone again.

However, it was Tilt who barely emerged as the triumphic second place winner with his joke “Go have a drink and talk to your bartender.” Tilt will receive our second place $100 check. Congrats to both guys!

So what’s next? Well, May 1st through June 31st will be our official Golf Joke contest. Got some great jokes for out on the links? Some great funny stories? Please practice up, and do share! We hope to make this next contest as successful as the previous two.

Thanks again, everyone!

Ethnic jokes are a pretty important staple to any culture. Humans like to band together to poke fun at those who are from a different place or aren’t the same as them.

Although society in the last 100 years has done a great job of filtering out the malicious intentions and sometimes violent or unfair treatment of others that extend from “just poking fun at,” there still remains the original elements of racism, ethnic hatred, and bigotry — all of which can be interpreted as jokes.

However, the common joke used to make fun of ourselves is still an important part of culture, and something we need for humor’s sake. As long as the jokes don’t extend beyond the subtle exemplification of what can be funny of other cultures, it’s actually healthy rather than harmful.

The most common ethnic joke out there is probably the Irish joke. The question is why is that? Most likely, it’s because the Irish are the best culture at poking fun at themselves, and like to laugh along with everyone else. Other cultures have severe insecurities or a considerably harder history, which can propel a simple joke to an insensitive tongue lashing.

So, with the popularity and history of the Irish joke, and in honor of the 2009 St. Patrick’s Day festivities that have come and gone, we bring you the top 10 Irish jokes currently found on Comic Wonder. Think you can tell an Irish joke better? Tell it!

View the top 10 jokes for March 2009 - Top 10 Irish Jokes.

President Obama signed off on a stimulus package today in Denver. In honor of this significant progress we at Comic Wonder had a Denver Omelet, which ironically was one of the most expensive and excessively stuffed omelets on the menu.

We are also offering some stimulus in the form of a new Comic Wonder of the Week! This week’s doozy comes from a trusted regular contributor who loves to use sound effects and musical accompaniments to tickle our ribs. VoiceofElk takes the prize this week for his joke with a charming title: “Two Redneck Hillbillies and a SEARS Catalog.”

Ah, the Redneck! Perhaps one of comedies greatest treasures. This is a rare breed known for their charisma and B-O. They are folks whose mattresses are rejected by the Salvation Army. They are proud of their custom license plates, mostly because they made it themselves in prison.

It cannot be said, however, that Rednecks aren’t doing their part to better our world this new year. Exhibit A.

Thanks to all of you who help us find humor in the world around us, keep it up! Remember that you still have time to join the fun in our “Best Blonde Joke” theme contest. We will continue our search through the end of the month and are counting on you to find the funniest (and likely true) blonde jokes on the planet.

Hello Comic Wonders!

I’ll start off this week’s announcement with a question for all of you: Have you heard the one about the Canadian guy who was walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm? His buddy was walking by and asked, “Hey Greg, what are you doing with that beer?” Greg turned to his friend and said “Oh, I actually got it for my wife.” The smile on his buddy’s face grew and he said “Great trade, Greg!”

You see, Canadians are known for loving beer. It’s a bit of a stereotype, but this week’s winning joke is proof that Canadians love more than just their alcohol.

Congrats to Canucklehead for making a comeback to Comic Wonder. His joke “Special Olym-porn” is his first in a while and I guess it answers what he’s been up to all this time.

This was a tough week to choose. A special nod to an always incredible VoiceofElk too for his latest joke creation “Blondes and the Traffic Accident!” It was so good it is one of the front runners for the best blonde joke on the site!

He reminds us that only a few weeks remain to get your submissions in for our best blonde joke search. It’s your chance at more cash and fame. Like being $200 more famous! Here’s a tip: Blondes can be MEN too! Look for some good jabs at blonde men to earn some originality points. Did you hear the one about the blonde who got pulled over by the blonde cop? He asked the woman for her driver’s license and when she realized she didn’t have it on her he asked for any other form of identification. She pulled out a pocket mirror and said “Here, I forgot! I do have this picture of myself!” The cop took it and looked a bit shocked. He glared back at the woman and said “Are you kidding me? I would have never pulled you over if I knew you were a cop?!”

Best of luck Comic Wonder faithful and bring that funny!!!

Posted by:

AChic Enuggets
Comic Wonder alternative meat researcher and Author of “Don’t eat that! I know a guy who pee’s in the pickle jar here!”

Improv Everywhere makes me happy.

On February 17, 2009 all full-power broadcast television stations in the United States will stop broadcasting on analog airwaves and begin broadcasting only in digital. Digital broadcasting will allow stations to offer improved picture and sound quality and additional channels.

We at Comic Wonder know this is a relatively confusing time and many of you have answers about what this means to you. We have no idea but we wanted to be sure you saw this TV commercial before the big Cablepocalypse.

Well, it’s that time again and we sent a representative of team Comic Wonder out to award the Comic Wonder of the Year trophy to the best joke-teller of 2008. This year’s winner is no other than 1anero, who hails from the windy city, which is where we caught up with him…

Kris presents the big trophy!

 

 

 (Trophy detail)

Discount Engraving Corp comes through again!  How do they keep their prices so low?!

 

 

The ‘Big Check’!

 

 

 

Eager to cash in on his Comic Wonder booty, 1anero heads to the ‘Big Check Cashing Store’

 

 

her: “We’ve never had a check this big before!”

1anero: “$2500 is a lot, but that’s the biggest you’ve ever gotten?”

 

 

I’d better get the manager

 

 

That’s the manager?

 

 

…Seriously? The guy with the eye patch manages the check cashing store?

That is the most appropriate thing I’ve ever heard of.

 

 

I’m pretty flush, so I guess I can wait around a while while they discuss how big my check is.

 

 

This guy is VERY impressed too.

impressed guy: “Who’s the comic?”

1anero: “me”

impressed guy: “You must be pretty funny with a check THAT big.”

1anero: “You have no idea”

 

 

Might as well endorse it while we’re waiting

 

 

Is this even going to fit in here?

 

 

 What!?? It’s just like cash! What are you talking about?

 

 

 There’s the door Comic Wonder!

 

 

Seriously bummed best joke-teller in the world.

 

 

This check isn’t even worth the massive amount of paper it’s printed on!

 

 

 This is the part of the story that I warned you about in the headline.

Comedy turns to rage as 1anero opens up a 55-gallon drum of Whoop A$$ on the messenger.

This is also the hard lesson that I talked about in the headline. Big checks aren’t real. They’re for photo ops, because people look really stupid shaking hands and holding a really tiny check. You cash the tiny check. I feel bad that I didn’t mention that to Kris before he left.

 

Who’s laughing now!

(answer: 1anero)

 

 So, we got these photos in the mail and nobody’s heard from 1anero since. If you happen to live in Chicago and see him, please drop us an email or call the authorities.

Incidentally, we’re hiring a new … whatever Kris did.

Dude, I’m so sorry, but our Facebook relationship has to end here.When I first accepted your Friend Request, I never expected anything like the past two months to happen. I can’t tell you how surprised I was to find a confirmation asking if I was your son. How could I one-up that? It was so original and just so hilariously ironic- I’m 6 months older than you!

Soon we had hooked up randomly at Stacy Watson’s house party in 1992; within days we had met in Uganda, fighting Rita Repulsa. The lies, bro, the lies! When will they end? Last week I got three wall posts asking me what “Space Camp” was like. You know as well as I do that we never went Space Camp! Will it ever be enough for you?

I thought you’d get the hint yesterday when I canceled your confirmation about working together as wine tasters last summer; but sure enough this morning I have 1 pending friend request. What is it now, man? Did we go to Pee Pee Doo Doo Junior High? Did we take “Butt Sex 101″ together?

I’m afraid I’m going to have to change our relationship to “I don’t even this person,” because quite frankly, I don’t even know you anymore.

This hurts me, bro, and you can only expect a status like “Ian is going to be suffering from a broken heart,” or something in the near future. I know I can take the “is” out now, but it reminds me of a better time, back when FaceBook was only college kids, back when Pluto was a planet, back when we just best friends and the details of our relationship didn’t matter.

Sometimes I wish we never left stupid MySpace in the first place. After all of this drama, those incessant offers of free Macy’s gift cards just don’t seem so bad anymore. You’ll still be in my “Top 8“ when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.

Goodbye dude,

Ian

P.S. Accept my invite to Zombies so I get some points. It’s theleast you can do, asshole.

I write this as I finish, well as Akun (my Sherpa,) finishes the final check on our equipment. Moments from now, we will begin our ascent to the Day 1 base camp, our first step in conquering your peak and thus, defeating you.You have been the center of my nightmares for years now, ever since you claimed the life of my father in early 1997, and now you are about to pay dearly. My father was trying to punish you for killing his father on one of the initial attempts at scaling you in 1936. My grandfather was a good family man, and you decided to blow him off the south face of the mountain without hesitation. Then, in some horrible déjà vu, you decided to cut my father off from rescue with snow storm after snow storm, slowly freezing him to death. Why must you single out my linage in your violent outbursts? What did we ever do to you?

I am not some blood crazed maniac. I have spent days on end considering how to deal with my father’s death. My decision to climb you came after much deliberation. Many of my friends suggested I file a civil suit against you, to try and hurt you financially… but I passed on such a passive aggressive approach. One friend suggested releasing large amounts of CFCs into the atmosphere in order to slowly shift the climate, reducing the snow cover on your hollowed peaks and rendering you weak. I don’t have time for such methods.

I will climb you because that is the only way to destroy you once and for all, and to bring the souls of my family back to sea level. Our family crest, sewn onto an American flag, will pierce your heart, which Akun tells me is at the very top of the mountain. I hope you will understand that you brought this onto yourself. You choose to make yourself the tallest and most dangerous mountain in the world. You choose to have radical weather patterns and consistently freezing conditions. You choose this life.

And just so you know, I have an 8-year-old son who has already pledged to continue our fight if you should find a way to kill me as well. So why not just let me end you now?