One of the benefits of my job is that I get to work in the comfort of my home. If I want to take a break I can just kick back and relax on the sofa, I work in my sweats more often than I probably should and I don’t have to deal with sitting in traffic trying to get to an office. I typically sit at my kitchen table (which causes me to eat way more than I should) and work while watching the neighbors mow their lawns and walk their dogs. It’s a pretty nice gig, I must admit.

That is until something like today happens…I look out my window and see a neighbor’s dog doing his business in my yard and the guy DOESN’T pick it up! And let me tell you friends, it was no small dog – if you get what I’m saying. What am I supposed to do, run out there and say something? Offer up a baggie? I don’t have a dog for the very reason I don’t want to deal with this situation, let alone a strangers dogs. Is there dog poo etiquette? Maybe I should post it in my yard…yeah, that won’t make me look crazy.

I read a while ago that some cities where dog poo-ing and lazy owners live, people have come to the point where they put peanut butter on the poo so the dogs then come back and eat it. But, I don’t think I can torture the dog for the owner’s stupidity and I don’t think I want to come that close to the poo. Yuck, I would probably gag. Being that I’m not very confrontational, I haven’t yet gone running out to yell at the people I see doing this, or I mean letting their dog do it. What really is the difference though - they might as well be the ones poo-ing. Actually, that’s a pretty bad image - scratch that thought. Instead, I think one of these days I’ll follow them to see where they live and the next time we have a summer bash, my husband and all his friends can go relieve themselves on their lawn. They really can’t get mad, can they?!

So - if you have a dog and you walk it to do its business – don’t forget people do work from home and can see you!

Speaking of dogs, there are a lot of great dog jokes on the site, click here to check them out!

Living in WI you can see your fare share of beer bellies - or…are they?

Check this out - the beerbelly - a device that looks like a true blue beer belly, when it’s actually a beer, well -you name it - dispenser. No kidding! This is perfect for taking beverages into your next ball game, roaming the mall with your wife, sitting in a boring class - wherever!

Here’s what the site says:

“Made up of an insulated neoprene sling and a polyurethane bladder connected to a drinking tube, the Beerbelly® holds over a half gallon of amber nectar and it will stay cold for hours with the optional freezer pack. Amazing, right? Okay, so you’ll look a little chubby when wearing it, but who gives a XXXX when you can stealth swig your favorite brew wherever you may roam.”

What does this have to do with joke-telling you might ask? Nothing - I just thought it was pretty sweet and wanted to share the good news.

My husband and I have zero will power, we always seem to find a later, better date to give up our vices, live healthier, and stay home more. But, I have to say, we have a hell of a time and a lot of fun.

This includes drinking - I will go out saying to myself that I’m going to behave and the next thing I know it’s my third glass of wine at the Redroom and we’re moving to Bayview for more. Maybe it’s that I surround myself with other people that have no will power and we are all evil bar flies. Maybe it’s because I love being in social settings, love heading out for a refreshing beverage, and love going out in Milwaukee - and so does my husband. Also, why is it that the nights you’re going out for “just one” always seem to be the most fun and leave you feeling the worst for work the next day?

Anyway, there is something to be said for sitting among friends and telling funny bar jokes, especially if you have a laid back bartender who has heard them all! Last week we swapped jokes with the bartender at the Plainfield Pub, in Milwaukee. Good times.

Some things to remember when telling a bar joke. First, keep it short - you may not know the number of consumed bevies (aka beverages) of your audience. Second, keep it simple. See the ‘keep it short’ for the same reasoning. Third, take into consideration who you’re telling and where you are. For instance, nothing good can come from telling a redneck joke at a Nascar bar! Or, you could be the hit of the place - who knows!

Here are some great ones to practice and tell while you’re warming a bar stool:

• 3 shots of whiskey
• Drinking Buddies
• Another Irish Joke

Click here for more great bar jokes.
Now hit your local bar and start telling some jokes - I promise, you’ll be the hit of the place!

Growing up in Wisconsin it is inevitable to have people make fun of our accents (among other things). It doesn’t help that every TV personality interviews people from here that epitomize the north woods, WI accent and make us look like idiots in general. I always thought I didn’t sound like a Midwesterner - boy, was I wrong. I used to spend some time with people from Nebraska (which is actually in the Midwest!) and every time they would see me they would ask me to “say bag” and when I did they thought it was the funniest thing. They then would continue to blurt out other words and the laughter continued. Yes, I became the Wisconsin party favor.

I found this website - GoToQuiz - that is GREAT fun in finding out what American accent you have. It is fun to say the questions out loud - you will naturally anyway. It’s like those forwards where you automatically sing the song as you go and then the next line is pointing out to you that you’re probably singing. They always get me.

The last question on the quiz in particular made me smile. Here is what my result was:

“You may think you speak ‘Standard English straight out of the dictionary’ but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like “Are you from Wisconsin?” or “Are you from Chicago?” Chances are you call carbonated drinks ‘pop.’”

For the record, I call it soda!

I think I’ll stop making fun of people from the south now.

We are excited to announce that Mark Metcalf has joined the Comic Wonder team as our Head of Humor. In his new role, Mark is touring the country scouting for joke-telling talent. This morning he was interviewed on the Bob & Tom Show with our 2007 winner, Captainhilariousness (aka Chris Cashman). Listen to the interview at www.bobandtom.com.

Although trained as a Shakespearian actor, Mark became an American icon with his role as the sadistic ROTC cadet, Doug Neidermeyer, in the college classic National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978). He later went on to reprise this role in the Twisted Sister music videos “We’re Not Gonna Take It” and “I Wanna Rock”. The infamous role of Neidermeyer was just the beginning for Mark, who now has 27 films to his credit. He has directed such films as When It Comes Early, Bikini Bar, You’ve Still Got Most of Your Hair, and The Wolf Finally Came. Mark also had recurring roles on two hit television shows. He was “The Maestro” on Seinfeld (1990) and “The Master” on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997).

When Mark is not out in search of Comic Wonder’s next big talent, you can meet & chat him up at his establishment; he is co-owner of Libby Montana Bar & Grill in Mequon, Wisconsin.

Okay, you may not know this, but your friends at Comic Wonder are diehard Cheeseheads. Yep. We are from Wisconsin. The simple fact is that you need to have a sense of humor to weather winters like these. If you cannot find frozen snot funny, Wisconsin is not for you.

Following the Packer’s loss, our fair state has been embraced by a profound sense of mourning. Beyond Green Bay, I dare say that the world is mourning our loss. The simple fact is that without the Packers at the Superbowl, the jokes just won’t be as funny. Making fun of Wisconsin is a global pastime. And let’s face it, we are kind of funny. We sit in bleachers in subzero temps sporting nothing but body paint. We flaunt our love of beer and cheese by lugging about mammoth bellies and orange hole-y hats. We are begging to get laughed at!

But the funniest thing about us, isn’t our wardrobe or girth. It’s our accent. After trying to shake it most of my adult life, I must say I am finding it more endearing as I age. For those of you out there who don’t know much about cheesehead speak, I found the following dictionary. (Special thanks to our friends in Houston: http://www.cheddarheadpackhouston.com/humor.html#A) Enjoy!

Ain-a OR Ain-a-hey: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in “isn’t It?”

Bart: a Green Bay institution who doesn’t need a last name; (see “Vince”).

Believe-you-me: attached to the beginning or end a statement makes it more credible; as in, “really!”

Big fatties: nightcrawlers for fishin’.

Blaze orange: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear at Lambeau.

Born in a barn?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the door open.

Borrow: used in place of “lend,” as in, “could youse borrow me a couple two-tree bucks?”

Brat: a sausage; a Wisconsin tailgate favorite;doesn’t have anything to do with a spoiled kid.

Bubbler: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin’s borders, it is known as a drinking fountain.

Budge: to merge without permission; cut in; as in “Don’t you budge in line for a brat, I was here first!”

By: to; near; as in “Let’s go by One Eyed Jack’s,”or “She’ll come by Froggers tonight.” It has nothing to do with a purchase.

Cheddarhead: someone from Wisconsin; see, “Cheesehead.”

Cheesehead: someone from Wisconsin; see, “Cheddarhead.”

Cheese curd: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak when you bite into them; a parish picnic favorite when deep fried.

Come-here-once: a beckoning call to another Cheddarhead.

Couple-two-tree: more than one; as in “Delmer and I drank a couple-two-tree beers.”

Cripes: a Wisconsin expletive.

Cripes-sake: a mild Wisconsin expletive.

Cry-yiy!: a bit stronger expletive.

Cry-yiy-yiy!: a much stronger expletive.

Crymany-cripes-sake: a wild Wisconsin expletive.

D: a substitute for words beginning with “TH;” as in”Dat guy over dere in dah Bears shirt is a FIB.”

Da OR Dah: used in place of “the”, almost the same rules as D.

Davenport: what your mom called the sofa; a couch.

Dere: used in place of “there”. Same rule applies to all “th” words - see D

Fair-to-midlin: not bad or great, just “O.K.”

FIB: acronym (three words) for our neighbors sout of the state line - middle word is “Illinois”.

Fish fry: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin.

Farm & Fleet: a Cheddarhead’s answer to Bloomingdales.

Frozen tundra: Lambeau Field.

Geeez!: Another Wisconsin expletive.

Gohead: proceed; as in, “gohead and back up your car.”

Gots: used in place of “have;” as in, “I gots my tickets to watch da Packers play on da Frozen Tundra.”

Guldarn: another Wisconsin expletive.

Hey: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis, as in “Hey, how ’bout them Packers?” or “How ’bout them Packers, hey?”

Holy-cry-yiy!: as in, “wow!”

How’s-by-you?: a greeting; the same as, “How’s everything?”

Humdinger: a beauty; as in “dat crappy youse caught upnort is a real humdinger.”

John Deere: a Cheddarhead’s other vehicle.

M’walkey: Wisconsin’s largest city; located just down the lake from Trivers and Mantwoc.

N’so?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; used as a substitute for “right?” or “correct?”

Oh, yah: depending on emphasis, it’s either used as acknowledgment (as “That’s correct”) or skepticism (That’s bull!).

Parish picnics: social events of the summer upnort.

Pert-neer: near; in close proximity; just about.

Polka: what you do at parish picnics.

Rubbers: protection for your shoes; also known as “galoshes.”

Sconsin: the state where Cheeseheads are from.

Schmear: when someone piles on points when playing Sheepshead.

Sheepshead: a card game.

Side-by-each: used instead of, “next to each other.”

Skeeter: Wisconsin state bird.

Smelt: used in place of “smelled”, also a fish that you catch in nets.

Soda: a non-alcoholic drink such as coke, pepsi, etc. Everywhere else it means club soda.

Sout: the direction you travel from Wisconsin to find lots of FIBs.

Start wit me last: to forfeit your turn, “go ahead of me”, or “you go first”.

Stop-and-go lights: what everyone else refers to as traffic signals.

Tirdy: same as “thirty”, and used on all numbers from 30 thru 39. Exception to the “D”rule, similar to “tink” and “tousand”..

Uff-dah: affirmative; as in “that’s right!”

Un-thaw: to defrost.

Where-bouts: locality; proximity; as in, “where-bouts are youse guys from?”

Upnort: where Wisconsinites go on vacation.

Up-side right: right side up.

Vince: the other Green Bay icon who doesn’t need a last name for recognition; (see “Bart”).

Whozitz: a thing.

Yah-hey: affirmative; as in “uff-dah.”

You-betcha: affirmative; as in “Yah-hey.”

Youse: pronounced “YOOS;” it means “you” as in “are youse guys goin’ up nort?”

Youper: someone from ever further upnort than you.