I’m proud to say that I’m a survivor.  I’ve seen a lot in my 86 years but yesterdays visit to Wallsave was a terrifying experience.  I live in an assisted thriving community now called the Eternityshire Estates.  Our shuttle takes residents in to the city twice a week.  I decided it was time to stock up on Dinty Moore beef stew and such so I packed my hip wallet with my money and meds. 

   When we arrived at our drop off I was a bit confused to see that my old trustee Pay-n-Prosper had been torn down and replaced with a new gigantic building called “Wallsave: Santa Fe”  Apparently it’s like the other Wallsaves around the country with a bit of Santa Fe flare.  I noticed the food court was painted like the desert.  Even the security fellow had an embroidered badge patch in the shape of a cactus.  It seemed like a pleasant enough store but the sheer size of it overwhelmed me a bit.  I wouldn’t have worn my nylon socks if I knew I would be doing this much walking.

    After wandering for a half hour or so I made it through the greeting area and headed for the sign marked “beauty care.”  I was in need of some cold cream and deodorant.  I have never been to reliant on perfumes or anti-perspirants in the past but our resident advisor issued a notice that all resident need to use scented under arm care products as of the first of the month.  I am on my 3rd notice so I decided that I would just buy something that smelled nice and be done with it. 

   The deodorant section wasn’t easy to find at first but a young many in a burnt amber vest directed me to a long isle that was as colorful as my favorite holiday sweater.  Every color imaginable and almost as many brand names.  I was alarmed to discover that all of them appeared to have different smells too.  I called over the young fella to help me out and that’s when the horror began. 

   He began to read of names like “Arctic Ice Crystal Blast, Powder Blast with Molten Lava Fusion Crystals, Titanium Clean Extreme Raw, Magma Fresh With AmourPiercing Floral Bullets, Mercury Scent Insanity 2, Scent Of Leather Berry With Almond Roca Gel, Atomic Blast Boquet and Original Scent”  Then he noticed they were out of original scent.  Although there was nearly 700 scents to choose from I was more intimidated by the idea that people had apparently evolved to become extremely stinky.   What happened to Powder?  Fresh? Clean?  Unscented?  They have all been transformed and blended with the forces of nature to become Frankendeodorants. 

   It seems to me that if our scientists spent half as much time on cures for disease as they do on new antiperspirants we would be living in a better world.  A healthier world.  One that already smells like fresh powder.  With normal scented people fusion.  At least that’s what I plan on telling my resident advisor.  I may have walked away without deodorant but I feel lucky have escapedwith my life and arm pits in tact.  Besides, I hate to break a 2 dollar bill on meaningless purchases like Ocean Burst Advanced with Barnacle Mist Crystals.

  

This morning, I arose from my Easter Dinner-fueled hibernation with merely two minutes to spare before I was expected at work. But I did not panic. I simply brushed my teeth and opened my laptop. I work from home—sometimes no more than six feet from my bed. Hell, sometimes in my bed!

Maybe working from home is The American Dream 2.0, but I have to be honest: after a little more than a month-and-a-half, I’ve had enough of being a stay-at-home employee. For the sake of full disclosure, I should describe my circumstances, which are unique for a 24-year-old with a good job; since I recently broke-up with a girlfriend with whom I was living in a posh apartment, I have moved back in with my parents (to avoid several months of pricey double rent payments). So while I am working from home, I am also working FROM MY PARENTS’ HOME. And therein lies the rub.

My mom is funny… and quirky. VERY quirky. Not to mention given to fits of obscenity and utter obnoxiousness. AND she’s a nurse on a rotating shift, so many days she’s at home while I’m working here, or “trying to work here,” I should say.

When my mom is cleaning the kitchen—which is my preferred workspace due to openness, natural lighting, and WIFI signal strength—she listens to her music at concert volume. No joke: concert volume. We’re talking The Bee Gee’s, Earth, Wind & Fire, Rod Stewart, and A LOT of generic salsa music. Our kitchen sounds like a fusion of American Bandstand, a sultry lounge, and the Disney version of a Mexican Barrio. And I can handle all that, even if it’s audible in every other room of the house. But when she’s watching my 10-month-old niece, that’s when she breaks out “Drew’s Famous Sleep-over Party Mix” and “The Chipmunks’ Dance Party Mix.” Now we’re talking screechy covers of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and high-pitched, chipmunk-esque renditions of “I’m Too Sexy” (the latter being disturbing on various levels). I would challenge anyone, save for someone with a hearing disability, to work productively in that environment. It’s like trying to center your Chi at a Hannah Montana concert.

For some reason, the WIFI signal in my house is disabled when the microwave is active. If anyone has insight as to why this is the case, please let me know; with my limited understanding of the technologies at work, I can’t wrap my head around this apparent opposition of “wavy things.” Of course, my productivity is directly tied to the Web; I use an online program to manage my daily tasks and communicate almost exclusively vie email with the other members of my company. And it just so happens that my mom uses the microwave often because she is, in fact, a twenty-first century mom. I think you go see where I’m going with this. “You’ll have to excuse me, Mr. Vice President of Operations, we’re having BLT’s for dinner tonight and Mom likes making the bacon in the microwave. Can we talk through how my Website works another time?”

Of course I’m asked to do random other tasks, merely by virtue of my constant presence. Run to the store. Hold the baby. Get the mail. I wish I were joking, but when my mom’s home, I’m a full-time gopher and a part-time employee. Did I mention I’m 24 with a good job?

And then, even when my mom’s at work, we have the other myriad temptations of being at home. As a 24-year-old guy. Recently singled. Alone. With no one else around. On the Internet full-time. With no access restrictions like those in place at large corporations. And so many possibilities…

In my daily scanning of the various blogs of start-ups, technology, and business strategy, I almost never see the “S” word mentioned: Sales. It’s a dirty word to a good deal of smart people, particularly technical founders. Over the years, I have observed that too many entrepreneurs associate sales with smarmy used car salesmen. Visions of “Glengarry Glen Ross” dance through their heads. When steeped in this stereotype, founders attempt to hire an EVP of Sales quickly and then turn their sites onto “more important” vistas.
Now here’s the rub: Entrepreneurs cannot simply hire sales talent. They need to embody it. Why?

A founder who can sell cannot:

• convince a sales person worth his/her salt to join the team, unless there is gobs of money in the bank or an absolutely killer product (which is generating gobs of money)

• woo VCs, angels, even his rich uncle Freddie into giving him/her gobs of money so they can hire sales talent

• find great sales talent because he/she doesn’t know what he/she is looking for

• keep great sales talent (if they are lucky enough to find it) because they don’t know how to motivate them, compensate them, or, in many cases, even respect their skills

Sadly, entrepreneurs too often discover this recursive problem only after years of trial and error. They have hired sales “talent” that was unable to sell. They pitched angels, family and VC alike without raising a nickel. And perhaps the worst of it, they have racked up terrible amounts of personal debt without ever recognizing that the problem was staring them in the mirror.

To be clear, sales skills transcend than the ability to sell widgets. To sell is to engage in the art of influence. If you are lacking sales acumen as an entrepreneur, it is time to get busy. Like any skill, it can be learned. The good/bad news is that it comes more easily to some than others.

Comic Wonder is right now building a sales team. A sales team for a Web 2.0 play? Yes, a sales team. We have identified a clear market for selling our wares and are assembling an amazing team. Now all we have to do is get busy selling and hope that the market we’ve identified is as receptive as it seems.

In the end, it’s not how amazing the technology may be. It’s how open and receptive the market is. The good news is that a great sales talent can warm up a reluctant market. With that said, it’s only a piece of the puzzle. If the market isn’t ready, even the greatest sales talent will fail you.

So in addition to some serious sales skills, a founder needs to have a good sense of timing and feel for overall market dynamics. If that sounds overwhelming, well it is. Is it any wonder why the vast majority of new companies and products fail?