Comic Wonder has asked me to do an occasional blog.  I’ll start by saying that it’s usually a rule of mine to NEVER work on holidays.  Although today isn’t a traditional holiday it is an important Anniversary.  This entire month is actually the 40th Anniversary of the introduction of the cubicle.  The moment that we lost our sense of individuality and gained our inner office privacy.  At least from the front and sides.  That aside, I am celebrating this milestone anniversary by doing what most cubicle enslaved droids do when they want to be productive….I’m working from Starbucks.  Despite the recent news of downsizing you can still find a few.  I came to find some inspiration for this blog and I realized that my subject was wiping the raw sugar packet crystals from the bistro tables.  A charming silver haired gentleman was cleaning up after the morning rush.  He was whistling like only someone of his generation could.  It’s a lost art.  I think our tongues have evolved to a less sophisticated design because I have never come close to whistling like my grandad could.  I began feeling sad for this man because here he was in the twilight of his life wiping up coffee drips.  Not that it’s a bad job but it seemed to me that he shouldn’t be working at all.  It’s easy to admire this generation because of all they have been through.  They are known as “The Greatest Generation” because of their experiences with World Wars, The Great Depression (even worse than our current oil crisis) and making due with however little life dealt them.  They are an amazing breed of people who make up for their lack of deodorant with a flare for colorful clothing.  Embroidered hearts and suspenders with jeans are a trademark.  Today’s fashion is a bit more provocative.  Swap the embroidered hearts for sayings like “juicy”and “hottie.”  Then place those slogans on the rear end of tight pants.  You get the point.  This Greatest Generation have bruises and veins that seem to have stories to tell.  Stories of struggle, perseverance and pride.  They are to be honored and celebrated.  The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw is a great testament to this idea.  It’s this well intended introduction that leads me to my controversial point.  If you visit a community pool on a regular basis you will likely appreciate my concern.  It pains me to say it but…The Greatest Generation has the WORST BODIES!  I know this first hand because I frequent a community aquatics center that is literally teeming with senior citizens.  Stripped down, completely, totally and utterly nude senior citizens.  It’s definitely a generational thing.  Public showers are to the Greatest Generation what ipods are to Gen X & Y.  They MUST use them.  They are compelled to.  When swim trunks will do, they opt for stark nudity.  You know the bank of showers that you’ll find in the average locker room?  That’s where you will find them.  Forget the showers featuring curtains or partitions.  Nope, they choose the wide open spaces.  Good long showers that leads to a great deal of lather and body fold inspection.  We all know the graphic reality of a thorough wash up but we usually reserve that for the privacy of our home.  Alone.  No innocent bystanders to traumatize.  This generation seems to be as comfortable waltzing nude across the entire locker room as they are complaining about the poor quality food they “just paid $4 dollars for at the Golden Spork Buffet.”  Their spider veins, mole clusters & oozing hair sprouts are all the armor they wear in these situations.  It’s the complete and utter nudity that is the issue here.  Proctologists have dealt with less graphic scenarios.  Even the walk to their locker is done in the buck.  I’m not sure they even own towels.  To be totally honest?  I am insanely jealous.  It’s not for the thrill and it’s not anything sexual.  It’s simply the greatest generation doing something they do naturally.  Very naturally.

I nearly lost my teeth laughing at this week’s winning joke, “Breakfast at the White House,” as told by Skez63. Ironically, I don’t even wear dentures. I laughed that hard. Once again Skez63 is the big man on campus and will live out another week knowing that he is the best. He’s the kind of guy I would want to take the Sadie Hawkins dance. There’s a saying “make a woman laugh and you’re halfway in to her heart.” I would like to add “if you make a woman laugh so hard she pee’s a little…well…then she’s marriage material.”

Skez63 seems to be a genuine charmer and he’s clearly in the running for Comic Wonder of the Year. In addition to the cash and other prizes, I’m in discussion with the Comic Wonder International Prize Patrol to possibly include an assortment of things from my basement. I’ve got tons of old shoes that the kids hardly ever wore and a great deal of old vases that I don’t have much use for. I’ll work on my prize pack and all of you continue working on your jokes.

With the elections approaching I think it’s a good time to follow Skez63’s lead and try to find the best political jokes you can find. I haven’t voted since Herbert Hoover (1929-33) but I try to keep up on the names. I think that Borat fella has a pretty good chance. So find your best jokes about politics and do your country a great service by sharing them with all of us. The Comic Wonder International Militia is currently signing a petition to impose a joke telling draft. We hate for it to come to that but these tough times and we can’t let the humorless win. Do it for all of the great comics who have made us laugh over the years - Jacky Benny, Red Skelton, George Carlin and Carrot Top. It’s your doodie. And your duty.

Posted by:

Brandy Chuggin
Comic Wonder Regional VP of Senior Humor Relations & Author of “Crochet: The cognitive revolution and historical perspective!”

Comic Wonder, together with McVay Media and the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB), is searching for the funniest personality on the planet. If you’re trying to get noticed in the radio industry this contest is for you!

The process is easy - if you’re a radio personality and you think you’re funny - simply visit www.radioscomicwonder.com before August 31, 2008 and tell your best joke. Visitors to the site vote on who they deem radio’s funniest.

“The best radio shows are the ones that make people laugh,” notes Daniel Anstandig, President of McVay New Media. “Finding and identifying top radio talent continues to be a top priority. We believe that this contest can help some great talent get the attention they deserve.”

Comic Wonder will announce the winner at the NAB Radio Show in Austin, Texas on September 18th where a spotlight video of the winner’s radio background and comedic talent will be featured to a room of radio executives and fellow radio personalities. Beyond recognition, Radio’s Comic Wonder will walk away with:

• A giant, mantle worthy trophy
• $1,000 cold, hard cash
• Airfare and accomodations to the NAB Radio Show

Visit www.radioscomicwonder.com to begin!

I’m taking a break from working out to award “benroach90” as the Comic Wonder of the Week. His joke “MD Penis Theft” was a hit at the gym where I work out. 7 days a week.

In addition to the cash prize and fame that comes with being this week’s winner, Benro (I don’t have time to write out his full name - although I realize that typing out this disclaimer probably took up more time) is also in the running to become Comic Wonder of the Year! Think of the fame that comes with a title like that!

It’s like when I won the Southern Regional Intermediate Peck Deck Power lifting title at Shrugfest 97′. I couldn’t walk into a supplement store without some tight shirted employee falling all over themselves to get my technique tips. I haven’t paid for my stretch mark body butter ever since. Just helping you to understand what winning the Comic Wonder title could be like.

Keep the jokes coming and remember to stay hydrated. I don’t want any of you cramping up during a punch line.

Hughe Mongis
Comic Wonder Fitness Consultant & author of “The spiritual guide to effective bar bouncing.”

This week’s The New Yorker magazine cover depicting Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, has caused quite the stir. Regardless of your stance on the satirical cartoon, the question has been raised…are there any good jokes out there about Barack Obama that we can all deem funny?

Today’s New York Times article by Bill Carter posed reasons why we’re not making fun of the Democratic presidential nominee, “The reason cited by most of those involved in the shows [late night talk shows] is that a fundamental factor is so far missing in Mr. Obama: There is no comedic “take” on him, nothing easy to turn to for an easy laugh, like allegations of Bill Clinton’s womanizing, or President Bush’s goofy bumbling or Al Gore’s robotic persona.”

And, of course, there are jokes about John McCain, which are about as old as his age.

So, we know why. The question remains what are we going to do about this lack of Obama humor?

Comic Wonder would like to challenge you to perform your best Obama joke on our site. It is the perfect forum to try out your Obama jokes and see how they land. If our audience doesn’t like them - they will tell you!

Who knows, perhaps Obama will jump online and tell a joke about himself - thus, not only proving his sense of humor, but beating all the timid comedians to the punch.

Comic Wonder crossed the pond!

Jeff Fitzsimmons, the Co-founder and Creative Director of Comic Wonder, along with Captainhilariousness, the 2007 Comic Wonder of the Year winner, joined the UK radio giant Graham Mack for a little chat and a lot of laughs.

Check it out under the July 9th “Mack Nuggets” or click here to have a listen. The interview is about 7 minutes into the audio, but it’s funny material while you wait - guaranteed!

I’ve got a 2 dollar bill and some Seltzer for this week’s winner named “Skez63.” The names that parents are giving kids these days really sour my soup. What happened to respectable names like Abel and Marvin?

Anywho, I guess you all enjoyed Skez63’s rendition of “Foreskins and Matzo Balls.” I never cared much for jokes and boners but I’m contractually obligated to help hand out these awards from time to time nonetheless. And besides, my Doctor says the typing helps with my circulation.

My late husband (rest his soul) would have been so proud to know that his efforts in The Good War helped to pave the way for us to be able to award someone for making a joke with “foreskin” in the title. Gives me goosebumps.

So good job Mr Skez63! Drink responsibly and just say no!

They want me to remind you about the many new features on the Comic Wonder and to promote my new blog but Golden Girls is starting and the cream of celery is boiling. Good luck next week competitors and do us all a favor and turn down your nonsense music. It’s meant to be heard…not felt. The nurse isn’t here to show me how to shut down this intermail stuff so I’ll just stop typing and walk away. Never cared much for electricity doohickies anyhow.

XOXO

~ Brandy Chuggin
Comic Wonder Regional VP of Senior Humor Relations & Author of “Crochet: A Historical Perspective of The Cognitive Revolution.

The days of this ad are long, long gone - it’s a little shocking they were here at all; blowing smoke in someone’s face was considered attractive? Sadly though, so are the days of the Marlboro man. Now that, was attractive.

Smokers have been kicked to the curb (literally) to enjoy their cigarettes. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for places going smoke-free - but, there is something to be said for the affect of smoking equaling increased sexuality. Or replacing it, according to Melvin.

Melvin Durai had some great quotes in his column on the relationship between smoking and sex… and they may make you think twice about dating a smoker. Or like me, just make you laugh.

A survey of 2,000 smokers was conducted in six European counties (I couldn’t find any dates or further information associated with this) with Britain boasting the highest proportion of respondents (80%) who enjoy sex, but would rather get intimate with a cigarette.

“I always smile after sex,” said one British woman, “because I can finally have myself a smoke”.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex,” said a married woman. “It’s just that a cigarette lasts longer, and if I suddenly decide that I don’t want to finish the cigarette, nobody complains. Nobody screams and runs to the shower.”

Even in France, a land where lovemaking is an art form, nearly 70% would rather create an abstract work — on their x-rays. “If you want to see true love in action, come to my house,” said one man. “Every night, my wife undresses, comes to bed and starts smoking. I don’t complain, because I know which butt she’ll throw out of bed. I once told her that it isn’t safe to smoke in bed and she reminded me, rather coldly, that it’s better to smoke in bed than be a joke in bed.”

Maybe the European are on to something…which would you choose?

Speaking of sex and smoking - I just came across this great joke by kgosser (click here) on this very topic!

Now you can find out! The team at Comic Wonder Towers has added a new feature to the Web site to allow members to find out once and for all how their sense of humor rates in comparison to others! Introducing the Sense of Humor (SOH) score. Now you and your friends no longer have to argue about who the funnier person is because the numbers don’t lie!

If a person has a high Sense of Humor (SOH) score, it is because that person is funny, or that person can recognize funny. There is a complex, patented formula developed by a global consortium of really funny mathematicians, psychologists and law enforcement officials that determines the actual scores. But - all you really need to know is that it works!

Click here to learn more and get started in the process of finding out exactly how much better your sense of humor is than everyone else!

I’m sometimes a little hesitant to make fun of broken English because doing so is terribly hypocritical; after all, I only speak some broken Hebrew and a few phrases in Arabic, like Itbakh al-Yahud! (Slaughter the Jews!) and Umi fi-shook (My mother’s at the market). Hypocrite or not, few English-as-a-second-language speakers mangle our language as delightfully and creatively as the Chinese and Japanese. With the Olympics coming to Beijing, it’s time to check in and see if the Chinese are well-prepared for the throngs of English speakers that will soon crowd their fine capital city.

Huh?

 This one is sort of PC, but not. They have the “special” part down.

Yes, don’t be rude; please die somewhere else. And make sure ahead of time that somebody will dispose of your corpse.

 Even if there’s Sucker fish in the water—just don’t do it!

  I think I’ll hold it and wait to use a different restroom.

Fun-having violators will be arrested and sent to reeducation camp!I, too, hate it when people hit me with spittle as they talk to me. I’m glad to see the Chinese are at the forefront of putting a stop to this!