We at ComicWonder are looking forward to the Holiday Season with a trunk full of cash and prizes. A few left over tootsie rolls too. Fortunately tootsie rolls can be kept for years and are believed to be slightly more resistant to destruction that roaches. It is rumored that the only thing left after a nuclear holocaust would be roaches We believe tootsie rolls should be added to that list. We at ComicWonder have even built a bomb fall out shelter out of tootsie roll. Hopefully we’ll never need it.

Back to the cash. Congratulations to this weeks winner, Foggy, for a great joke called “Welfare Line.” It’s well told and even gets a laugh from the artist so you know it’s worth a listen.

We must admit, there’s really nothing funny about welfare. Well, there was nothing funny until we ran across a hard to believe solution from a kiwi. In fact, a New Zealand Politician is making welfare reform his purpose. Sorta. Micheal Laws has stirred up some controversy with his new idea that “there are too many people who should not have children” and that the government could begin to reform this by offering to pay problem parents not to breed. He told a newspaper, “If we gave $10,000 to certain people and say ‘We’ll voluntarily sterilize you.’ then all of society would be better off.”

We’re not saying that this is the worst idea ever, but we can’t help but draw a comparison to a movie we watched recently. Mike Judge is the guy who brought us Office Space and Beavis and Butthead. He also brought us a gem called “Idiocracy.”

What if only the dumbest among us of survived? What if the future was made up of a population where only complete morons were the breeders? Check out the trailer here.

Hopefully we have inspired you to be among the smart. At least some sign of wit? Harness that thought and submit the funniest joke you’ve ever told this week! It could earn you some cash and a place in the ComicWonder archives of joke legends. Although, the archive will probably be demolished for a Liquor Store parking garage when the idiots rule the world.

Submitted by:Cliff Notes, ComicWonder Jr VP of Tootsie Roll Development and Author of Working Title

Hello ComicWonders!

We at ComicWonder must apologize for the lack of communication over the past couple weeks. Our Annual Halloween carving contest got out of hand and 112 stitches later we are almost back to full staff. A lawsuit is pending but for now we are still operating as ComicWonder. “Larry the Intern’s Joke Website” doesn’t exactly have a ring to it and hopefully the judge will agree.

The good news is that we are backed up on our ComicWonder of the Week awards and it’s time to hit you with 3 hilarious submissions. Firstly, congrats to Joel Elstner for his winning performance of “The Eye Doctor.” Who said Polish jokes were dead? Besides the Polish, of course. They did invent the Submarine screen door. Quite an accomplishment after the backlash from a failed helicopter ejector seat effort.

We also want to celebrate a new–comer to the ComicWonder world who puts his professional joke skills to work on a daily basis. Alan Ray’s jokes have been featured on Jay Leno, morning radio shows and publications like the New York Times and Los Angeles Times and more. Now he’s delivering his daily take on what’s funny in the news to ComicWonder fans every day! Funny and original material that has already earned him a weekly prize. Check in daily to see “what Alan Ray’s Joking about” at ComicWonder by visiting his group page. Don’t be shocked when you hear his spin on the headlines coming out of the mouth of your favorite night time comedian.

We round out the awards with a special salute to this week’s top funnyman. FunnyMAN, that’s foreshadowing. Ryan Seacrest would make you wait until after the commercial break for the winner but we’ll just consider this transitional sentence enough of a teaser.

Congrats to prman214 for “Flying Without a Net”. A clever joke that may require a second listen. We’ll look forward to more submissions from newcomer “prman214” who can surely appreciate the good PR he’ll get for being “an award winning joke teller.” A great way to pad the resume.

While many of you are focused on your Halloween costumes, do take some time to remember that it’s the final week to take part in ComicWonder’s Doctor Joke Contest. It’s your chance at $200 bucks and a priority in line for the swine flu show. Okay, just the cash. We don’t have pull in the H1N1 arena just yet. We will take your best doctor themed jokes until October 31st so pick up the phone and make us laugh! At least tell a joke, we’re getting lots of heavy breathing on the other end of the line. We do like those but need to get a certain amount of joke submissions to keep our license.

With this week’s ComicWonder of the Week win “Doctor, Doctor”, ReedBurns has cemented himself as a consistent high-quality contributer to the ComicWonder community.

His legend has grown now to the top of the hallowed halls of our archives. Along with a handful of others, we can not say ReedBurns is a true ComicWonder legend.

Coming in the next few months will be a special section on ComicWonder celebrating the “Legends of ComicWonder”. We will be taking a look at all the people past and present who have contributed either by telling jokes or being a great community member, and doing a little profile on them. Consider it an old style family barbeque, with horseshoes, lemonade and funny jokes… but without the hurt feelings after a family argument.

We’ll first be fielding suggestions via our forum for ComicWonder legends. Give us who you think and why. We’ll then be taking everything into consideration and making a very small selection for the first list. But that list will grow over time.Thanks again, and keep a look out for ComicWonder Legends in a few months!

President Obama signed off on a stimulus package today in Denver. In honor of this significant progress we at Comic Wonder had a Denver Omelet, which ironically was one of the most expensive and excessively stuffed omelets on the menu.

We are also offering some stimulus in the form of a new Comic Wonder of the Week! This week’s doozy comes from a trusted regular contributor who loves to use sound effects and musical accompaniments to tickle our ribs. VoiceofElk takes the prize this week for his joke with a charming title: “Two Redneck Hillbillies and a SEARS Catalog.”

Ah, the Redneck! Perhaps one of comedies greatest treasures. This is a rare breed known for their charisma and B-O. They are folks whose mattresses are rejected by the Salvation Army. They are proud of their custom license plates, mostly because they made it themselves in prison.

It cannot be said, however, that Rednecks aren’t doing their part to better our world this new year. Exhibit A.

Thanks to all of you who help us find humor in the world around us, keep it up! Remember that you still have time to join the fun in our “Best Blonde Joke” theme contest. We will continue our search through the end of the month and are counting on you to find the funniest (and likely true) blonde jokes on the planet.

Hello Comic Wonders!

I’ll start off this week’s announcement with a question for all of you: Have you heard the one about the Canadian guy who was walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm? His buddy was walking by and asked, “Hey Greg, what are you doing with that beer?” Greg turned to his friend and said “Oh, I actually got it for my wife.” The smile on his buddy’s face grew and he said “Great trade, Greg!”

You see, Canadians are known for loving beer. It’s a bit of a stereotype, but this week’s winning joke is proof that Canadians love more than just their alcohol.

Congrats to Canucklehead for making a comeback to Comic Wonder. His joke “Special Olym-porn” is his first in a while and I guess it answers what he’s been up to all this time.

This was a tough week to choose. A special nod to an always incredible VoiceofElk too for his latest joke creation “Blondes and the Traffic Accident!” It was so good it is one of the front runners for the best blonde joke on the site!

He reminds us that only a few weeks remain to get your submissions in for our best blonde joke search. It’s your chance at more cash and fame. Like being $200 more famous! Here’s a tip: Blondes can be MEN too! Look for some good jabs at blonde men to earn some originality points. Did you hear the one about the blonde who got pulled over by the blonde cop? He asked the woman for her driver’s license and when she realized she didn’t have it on her he asked for any other form of identification. She pulled out a pocket mirror and said “Here, I forgot! I do have this picture of myself!” The cop took it and looked a bit shocked. He glared back at the woman and said “Are you kidding me? I would have never pulled you over if I knew you were a cop?!”

Best of luck Comic Wonder faithful and bring that funny!!!

Posted by:

AChic Enuggets
Comic Wonder alternative meat researcher and Author of “Don’t eat that! I know a guy who pee’s in the pickle jar here!”

First, mood music. (http://www.miditrax.com/xmasmidi/AuldLangSyne2.mid).  Nothing can strike up emotion and make the hairs stand up on the back of your back quite like a MIDI version of Auld Land Syne.  Every wonder what that song is that we sing each New Years Eve?  Auld Lang Syne translates in to “old long since.”  That pretty much sums it all up, eh?  OLD LONG SINCE!

We at Comic Wonder are sorry to break the news that our beloved song is actually lost in translation.  Sure, we can assume it’s intended to say something like “the good old days” but the sad fact is that it doesn’t.  

None the less, New Years Eve has passed and we at Comic Wonder want to thank you for an amazing year!  Truly!  So many of you have delighted us with big laughs.  A couple of you have really let us down and should be ashamed of yourselves.  Put some pants on for crying out loud.  I’m sure that applied at least a dozen or so of you.

Johnny Mac may or may not have pants on right now but he has a pass either way because he’s once again got us chuckling with his rendition of “20 year reunion.”  He will be our last Comic Wonder of the Week for 2008 and forge new paths for the year to come.

We have SO many new things in store for Comic Wonder in 2009 and we can’t wait to roll out the new features.  In a time of financial crisis, mortgage meltdowns, massive lay-offs and investment scandals, we at Comic Wonder want to wish you a very Happy New Year!  We hope to toast to you all in our awesome Comic Wonder community every New Year and raise a glass of champagne and sing “old long since.”

Posted by:

Terry Aki, Comic Wonder season help and author of “7 steps that will change your staircase forever.”

‘Twas the night before a non denominational winter holiday, when all through Comic Wonder, spiked eggnog was flowing and the laughter crashed like thunder.

A stocking full of joke submissions was being reviewed with care, in hopes that a weekly winner would be found in there. Many contained references about the man dressed in red, some about Jesus and his visitors who were now dead. No one was in a ‘kerchief or even a cap, our intern had too much nog and threw up in his lap. (His shoes had barf on them too.)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, we rushed to the window and tried not to slip on the interns stomach batter.

The room was buzzing with our holiday bash, then the intern puked on the shutters and slurred “I had too much corn beef hash!”

We saw the moon on the breast of the new fallen-snow, the intern stumbled in the to yard and…well…you know. When what to our wondrous eyes should appear? An angry-looking police man confiscating the grain beer.

With a little old tazer, a gun and night stick, I knew in a moment he’d witness the intern get sick. We decided to put the intern to bed, “Papas fritas are french fries” was the last thing he said.

The Cops asked us to keep the noise down or we would go to jail. “Also, put than intern on his side and by his head, put a pail.”

Back to the party and the drinking of booze, the office gift was revealed to be a ball game called “foose.” We cheered the night away, celebrating a great year, and knowing that our Comic Wonder of the Week announcement was near.

All had a favorite, many had 3. The intern picked one but he was now passed out covered in pee. The punch was all gone and the cookies were now soggy, but one last toast was made and was directed at “Foggy.” His joke “Poor foggy at Christmas” was a big hit, when the whole party chuckled at the punchline we knew “that’s it!”

Congratulations to this weeks winner and to all of you, please excuse our intern and the repeated references of spew.

We truly do wish all of our Comic Wonder friends the very best this holiday, and if you have an intern at your office party keep the the beer away.

Merry non denominational winter holiday!

Posted by:

Chuck Upin

Comic Wonder Holiday Party Co-Chair & Author of “Calligraphy: urine writing in the snow edition”