OMG! I am so sick of hearing about the Olympics!  So like what’s the big deal anyways?  I heard they’re in China and all but I guess I don’t really get the excitement.  Although friend says they have some of the best Chinese food on the planet.  It’s like “oh wow, you ran really fast!”  I feel like mass of the Olympic sports aren’t even fun.  Long Jumping?  Javelining?  Fencinging?  Those are so lame.  Like, NO THANKS!  They should make the Olympics about sports and stuff that we all like to do.  

My friend is like the fastest ever on finding suff on the internet.  One time I was like “I wish I could find a decent spa to get a  vichy detox wrap at” and he was like “I’ll google it.”  In like 10 seconds he found a spa that was like perfect.  He can always find stuff online super fast.  I told him that he’s “the fastest googler on the planet.”  I bet he is.  That would be a fun Olympic sport to watch.  I also have a girlfriend who can fall alseep in like 30 seconds.  Even at a loud nightclub.  They should have a competition where people are hooked up to like electro machines that can tell who falls asleep the fastest.  It would be so cool because you would be like super lazy and an athlete at the same time.

I also think that the sports should be more like the stuff we grew up learning. Soak em, freeze tag, scarf juggling and stuff like that.  Maybe even dress up games.  It could be fun to have like all the countries compete it best dress up.  Americans could have like flowing dresses and stuff and other countries like South Africa, such as, could wear like other stuff that they think is pretty.

I’m just saying that all of this hype around the Olympics is sorta annoying because even my magazines are wasting time talking about the athletes and not what Brangelina’s nursery looks like.  I can celebrate best barista in the world or even like the hottest hand bag designer but Taekwondoing eachother is like lame.

It’s high noon.  A dusty street is at a standstill.  Only tumbleweeds dare to pass through.  On lookers are frozen in fear.  Then, before anyone can react a quick drawing sidewinder known as “oiltrash44” makes his move and becomes the Comic Wonder of the Week.  His still smoking joke “a blondes deodorant” was straight and true.  His country boy delivery gave it just the right pep too.  Yep, the good ol’ boy that brought us joke titles like “boy you got some nerve” and “drunk and the key hole” comes another gem.  This time it’s a winner too!

He joined a posse of other joke slingers who chose blonde jokes this week.  In society Blondes are often considered attractive.  In the movies they are often the bullies or ski team captains.  Either way, they continue to be great targets!  Oiltrash44 will join the elite weekly joke winners as they head towards the Comic Wonder of the Year.  Or the gallows.  Even the saloon.

Let’s all spit in a cup and wipe it with a rag as we tip a warm whiskey to Oiltrash44 and his sweet smellin’ joke “a blondes deodorant.”

Posted by:

Wyatt Herpe

Comic Wonder Midwest Marshall of Humor  & Author of “Life’s too short to dance with ugly women”

Did you know that three out of every five men still tell the same jokes they mastered as a kid, yet 70% believe they have “serious comedic chops?”  Men’s Health published a reader survey this month on joke-telling, which answers such questions as: Where men get their material (Good ol’ dad and the Internet); Who is the funnier gender (I’ll keep you guessing there); And who their comic timing most resembles (Did you know that John Stewart mimics are running amok?).

If these statics are any indicator, the sad truth about joke-telling is that we tend to get stuck. When you stop to consider that 20% admit to getting in fights over jokes they have told and 50% rely on jokes about other people’s mothers, its pretty clear that our humor tends to stagnate as we age.

So, who cares if you have juvenile sense of humor?  Well, more people than you may think. When you consider that “98% of CEOs prefer candidates with a sense of humor” and 72% of women “will date a man who’s funny regardless of his looks,” this lack of evolution could cost your career and lady luck.

Moral of the story, it’s time to learn some new material boys!

This month, Comic Wonder is launching a new feature: Joke Limbo.  If you have been eager to tell a joke on the site but don’t know any decent material, this new section will cure what ails you. You can flip through jokes by category (e.g., “golf jokes“) or just browse at random.  When you’ve found one that makes you laugh out loud, click the “Tell This Joke” and off you go!

When it comes to making someone laugh, there is no substitute for practice.  May as well start practicing on strangers before bringing your new material back to the family table.  If you’re gonna bomb, do it here!

Believe it, or not, there actually is a difference between blonde and blond.

The word BLOND refers to the color of hair, skin, or wood. A man with these traits is a blond (without the “e”). BLONDE refers to a woman or girl having fair hair and usually fair skin and light eyes. It is said that some people consider the word blonde to be sexist and have dropped the “e” in all relations. Well…our friends at Comic Wonder may be a wee bit sexist if the meaning rings true, because they LOVE to tell blonde jokes.  And who doesn’t love a good blonde joke, really?! 
Here are some of Comic Wonder’s best:

• Odd Jobs for a Blonde, performed by funnybone
• Blonde Heckler at a Comedy Club, performed by funnybone
• Blondes Find Mirror, performed by Tobyeee45
• Two Blondes Standing at the Gates of Heaven, performed by kgosser
• Blondes Looking at the Moon, performed by ninja bob
• Blonde Shopper, performed by wonderfunnygirl 

Surprisingly, we don’t have any blond jokes.  Come on ladies, sign in and defend yourselves!