Hello ComicWonders!

‘Twas the week before Turkey Day and all through Comic Wonder,

jokes were pouring in to our phones and laughter rang like thunder.

With cash on the line the jokes came by the by the bazillions,

Our judges were busy and half way through a keg of Killian.

Some submission were so funny we laughed til’ we cried,

occasionally they were so lame we were sorry you even tried.

The best were narrowed down to only a select few,

We had the winning check but didn’t know who to make it out to.

The Comic Wonder of the Week charmed us like the great Lawrence Welk,

which is convenient because it rhymes with Voice of Elk!

Take a listen to “The Reindeer’s Wives” for a Holiday treat,

You’ll never look at doe the same when you see them on the street.

Don’t be discouraged that you didn’t win this week,

It’s tough to pick “the best” and it doesn’t mean you jokes wreak.

It’s the sharing season after all so don’t you dare quit!

It’s also a time when punks knock on the door and leave a flaming back of S*$&!

We’ve ruined more italian loafers that way than you would believe

It usually takes 20 minutes to scrape it all of with the wreath.

That’s enough about us and the little neighbor kids we’d like to smack,

Let us now focus on how we want to further give back.

We’ve upped the ante and pulled out some more cash,

Call with you best Holiday themed jokes and do it fast!

Comic Wonders Holiday Jokes Challenge is now underway,

The funniest of the funny scores a $200 dollar payday!

The deadline is New Years Eve so start making us laugh,

Our head judge is Neidermeyer from Animal House, yeah…THE MARK METCALF!

Now you have all the details and we can’t think of anything more,

Good timing too because we gotta run and answer the door.

Submitted by:
Ivanna Fruitcake, ComicWonder Botanist and Author of Wearing A Robe Backward: How The Snuggie Was Inspired By A Lazy Guy

Hello ComicWonders!

ALERT: Content of this week’s winning joke may be offensive to anyone with a sense of decency. Alright, it’s a bit raunchy. Ironically familiar though. ‘Nuff said.

Congratulations to Canucklehead for his winning efforts called “Which Way Is Twitch?” We don’t recommend you tell this one in your church pew but we do think you’ll confess to laughing at it.

As we enter the “giving season,” we at Comic Wonder would like to cordially invite you to our 2009 Holiday Joke Challenge. Dig out your cardigans, dickies and penny loafers because this is sure to be a collection of priceless holiday memories. We are now accepting your very best holiday jokes. Tis’ the season to gather with loved ones and pretend to really like the holiday sweaters they are wearing

“No, really Aunt Janet…The way you added tinsel to the sweater really makes it quote…er…uh…unique…and….festive.”

Then you open your matching sweater and the obligation to wear it is too unbearable. One of the uncles has too much Booze-nog, rips off the tinsel and the tears begin to flow. No matter what you celebrate in your family, you know the pains of “the most wonderful time of the year.” Relax, you’re not alone. That’s why we are spicing things up with an extra stack of cash. 1st place in our holiday joke contest scores $200 bucks! Use it to buy presents, pay for your scrumptious feast or to bail out your uncle. Second place will score $200 bucks and all other competitors will win our admiration.

But wait, you’ll also receive a NEW found respect for the art of joke telling! In these tough financial times we can all use a good laugh and cheep thrills. We are happy to pass along an economical and fun way to make your holiday party a hit. Comic Wonders Punch Packer. It’s our original twist on the punch you may have served in years past. You’ll need Oranges, Cherries, Lemon Zest, Cloves and a bottle of your favorite booze. First, go in to the bathroom and drink the entire bottle of booze. Next, watch as your friends and family fight and try to have a good time with oranges, cherries, lemon zest and cloves. Happy non denominational winter holiday from all of us at Comic Wonder!

Submitted by:
Glenn Fiddich, ComicWonder Spirit Advisor and Author of A Hangover Remedy: The Hang On

We at ComicWonder are looking forward to the Holiday Season with a trunk full of cash and prizes. A few left over tootsie rolls too. Fortunately tootsie rolls can be kept for years and are believed to be slightly more resistant to destruction that roaches. It is rumored that the only thing left after a nuclear holocaust would be roaches We believe tootsie rolls should be added to that list. We at ComicWonder have even built a bomb fall out shelter out of tootsie roll. Hopefully we’ll never need it.

Back to the cash. Congratulations to this weeks winner, Foggy, for a great joke called “Welfare Line.” It’s well told and even gets a laugh from the artist so you know it’s worth a listen.

We must admit, there’s really nothing funny about welfare. Well, there was nothing funny until we ran across a hard to believe solution from a kiwi. In fact, a New Zealand Politician is making welfare reform his purpose. Sorta. Micheal Laws has stirred up some controversy with his new idea that “there are too many people who should not have children” and that the government could begin to reform this by offering to pay problem parents not to breed. He told a newspaper, “If we gave $10,000 to certain people and say ‘We’ll voluntarily sterilize you.’ then all of society would be better off.”

We’re not saying that this is the worst idea ever, but we can’t help but draw a comparison to a movie we watched recently. Mike Judge is the guy who brought us Office Space and Beavis and Butthead. He also brought us a gem called “Idiocracy.”

What if only the dumbest among us of survived? What if the future was made up of a population where only complete morons were the breeders? Check out the trailer here.

Hopefully we have inspired you to be among the smart. At least some sign of wit? Harness that thought and submit the funniest joke you’ve ever told this week! It could earn you some cash and a place in the ComicWonder archives of joke legends. Although, the archive will probably be demolished for a Liquor Store parking garage when the idiots rule the world.

Submitted by:Cliff Notes, ComicWonder Jr VP of Tootsie Roll Development and Author of Working Title