The results are in!!! Because we can’t afford to fly you all in and rent out a majestic theater for an awards ceremony, we’ll just rely on your imagination.

Imagine a vast stage with twinkling lights and flowing silk curtains. An orchestra pit is filled with brass horns and a string section that started to build. The music swells and the announcer comes over the speakers saying “Ladies and gentleman…welcome to Comic Wonders Lawyer Joke Contest Awards…and now…please welcome (insert relevant and likable host here)!”

The audience (you) are applauding and the pyrotechnics go off with only minimal issues. One curtain is set on fire but crews rush to put it out and ultimately it’s edited out of the television replay anyhow. It smells of burnt silk but that only adds to the charm. The host says some funny things and makes just enough charming references to endear the audience. Your eating out of his or her palm.

“And now…the nominees for this years Comic Wonder Lawyer Joke contest.” The screen show several names and cleverly titled jokes. Some of the joke tellers are shown, most of which realize they are on camera and only one looks very drunk and bitter. “In second place…the winner of $100 dollars and a place in Comic Wonder history…is…going to be announced after the commercial break!”

The audience is in total suspense and a bit irritated. After 6 minutes the orchestra starts up again and the announcer says “Welcome back to Comic Wonders Lawyer Joke Contest Awards!” The host comes back on stage in a new outfit and has a new hair style. “Welcome back, before the break we were ready to announce the second place winner in this years Lawyer joke contest. We had tons of great submission and even a bunch of really lame ones…” The audience (you) all laugh and are charmed by the hosts honesty. “…and now…the 2nd place winner who will walk away with $100 bucks and our admiration…Joe Elstner for ‘Sell Your Soul!’!”

The audience (you) erupts and the music swells. The camera shows Joe and his family. One of his family members also appears to be very drunk. Joe comes to the stage and tells a great story about the joke and the day he told it. He goes on for far too long though and the orchestra starts playing that “okay, enough already dude!” music that hints to him that we are out of time and to shut up. He doesn’t and it gets weird. Ultimately the part where the security drags him off stage is edited out of the TV replay.

“An now we would like to honor the cream of the crop. The winner of this years Comic Wonder Lawyer Joke contest. The content…delivery and overall laugh factor made this a unanimous decision for our judges. The winner of $200 bucks and top honors in the Comic Wonder records library (doesn’t actually exist but it sounds good on TV…ultimately that reference is edited out of the TV replay though)…is…non other than xxxgamermonkey for ‘Frank the Lawyer!’!”

The audience erupts and confetti shoots from the stage. A few cannons don’t go off and ultimately that part is edited out of the TV replay. xxxgamermonkey isn’t in attendance so the host says “xxxgamermonkey and family couldn’t be here tonight so we accept this in their honor!” The music swells and and camera shows that most of the audience is already headed for the doors. It appears we have lots of bitter losers. The host makes some funny remarks and closes the show with a musical number that features a 42 piece marching band and several dozen dancers from many different countries from around the world. It’s powerful and and touching in many different cultures. Ultimately it’s edited out of the TV replay because of time constraints. The TV replay isn’t well received because of so many content edits and the decision to not televise the awards again next year is made. Ironic, eh?

Congratulations to our winners and thanks to all of you who shared great jokes simply because you knew one that just deserved to be told. That is why were are here and we are not here without you. Keep it up Comic Wonders!

Submitted by:
Rich Enlove, VP of TV replay editing and Author of Great Moments You Never Saw: Edited edition”

We’ve trimmed the finalists for the Lawyer Joke Contest down to 8 jokes? Which is your favorite? Listen and let us know over on the forum!You can access our snazzy forum here to listen to all 8 jokes. We’ll be monitoring what the community says and factoring it into our decision come the middle of September. We’ll announce the winners then!