To: Employee List
Subject: Here comes the PARTY MAN!!!!!

Let’s all stop pretending what happened last year didn’t happen. It was a party, stuff happens, and stuff definitely happened. With the second annual Morris Management Holiday Bash coming up in barely a week… we need to get ourselves properly prepared. That means recognizing that we made some mistakes, and that we are going to gladly make them again. Now, I know a few of us have been “committed” to AA, per the terms of our disciplinary actions, but nobody is riding this horse sober on Saturday. Not Myself, not Bill, not weak livered Tina. We are all going hard.

The rumor is, beer and wine only, but we all went to college… so I’m going to need each of you to bring at least a flask worth (hell, I got mine on me now) of something above 80 proof. I’ll take it from there. I’ll make sure that wine is full of whisky, if you know what I mean.

I will also once again be administering and supervising the “Opium Den” in the supply closet, out from under the watchful eye of management. As a note though, no Opium this year, keep the stuff green and plentiful. I don’t want anyone going into shock or seizures or whatever bullshit Tina lets her body get away with. (I still love you Tina) This car will just be burning coal, ya hear?

Finally, I need someone to step up and offer their pad for the after party. I unfortunately do not have a home currently. I was forced to vacate my apartment last Monday due to a skirmish I had with the land lady over the recycling policy, and therefore I am sleeping on couch in my little brother’s dorm. Batman’s Bat cave is full of Bats, you know? So someone take the cake.

The Party Man is ready to Party and he hopes you are to.

Sincerely,
PARTY MAN (John, from Accounting)