Many look forward to Halloween for the thrill of coming up with a clever, unique, fun costume to wear to a friend’s party. Others circle October 31st on their calendars with their sights set on delicious candy corn, chocolate bars, and caramel covered apples. And last but not least, some people enjoy this fall holiday because it provides them with another excuse to have random, dirty, promiscuous sex with strangers in costume. Because people seem to have already mastered the whole costume and candy portion of the evening, I’m going to provide you with a bit of a guide to sealing the deal on that last part. Or, rather, I’m going to provide you with a guide as to how NOT to seal it. Without further adieu, I present you with ….

The Top 10 Pickup Lines NOT To Use On Halloween

1. “You know, last week when I saw you here, I couldn’t even imagine wanting to have sex with you. But now that you have that sheet over your head…”
2. “That’s a great fat chick costume you’ve got on.”
3. “You know, I knew there’d be so many scantily clad women walking around tonight, I only masturbated twice today.”
4. “Yeah, I love Halloween too. Any excuse to hide my face, I’m actually not that attractive.”
5. “Your boobs look really great in that … oh, I guess you’re just completely naked, huh? Boy, do I love Halloween! So many sluts.”
6. “My penis is already in costume, too.”
7. “I just wish random children would come to my house every day of the year!”
8. “So, I was thinking, I’ve got way more candy than this back at my place, and you sure look like a girl who eats her feelings … “
9. “Halloween is kinda lame, in my opinion. Do you know how hard it is to get a roofie into a SKOR bar? Oh, no, that’s right, you were in the bathroom.”
10. *drop pants* “Hallo, it’s my ween!”