By Dave Epson

First of all, love the set up, love the premise. Rose’s characterization and dialogue is a bit tough to sit through, however, and at times I start to feel a bit like an audience member during Erich Von Stroheim’s Greed (1924).

I believe what I’ve been fed: four elderly females living together, enjoying retired life. But where’s the conflict? Why am I watching this, really? Spare me the jazzy fluff, Melies (A Trip to the Moon, 1902), and get to the heart of it.

So Blanche is a man-hungry vixen. Is that really all there is to her? When does she cry? Does her undying need for affection relate to her neglection as a child?

Flashback sequence. Think about it.

Let’s not get started on the endless slew of boyfriend guest stars, now. In the words of Bruce Kilroy, my Television Writing teacher: “Have faith in what you’ve created”. Don’t blow your sharp idea on big names and throwaway romances; really save what is there. And Bruce knows a lot, he was a staff writer on “Harry and the Hendersons” (1987). IMDB it.

Get rid of this Sophia busybody. Nobody wants here there; she doesn’t add anything that can’t be established in a flashback sequence. Too many one-liners. If I wanted that, I’d rather enjoy the swashbuckling antics of Chaplin (City Lights, 1931), or perhaps Harold Lloyd (Chaplin’s lesser known compadre, The Kid Brother, 1927).

Maybe it’s me, but does anyone else get a Clara Bow vibe from Blanche? Not downright attractive, but swimming in an ocean of sexuality. You got “It”, girl. You got “It”.

“It” was a romantic silent film produced in 1927. “It”, a euphemism for “sex appeal” took the world by storm and gave American Cinema a new, sexy voice.

As I feel I have expressed my thoughts on the series as a whole, I will now nitpick at a few episodes I feel deserve it.

EPISODE F-118 “The Operation”

This one is a classic by many Golden Girls’ fans, but little do they know about proper execution and storytelling. I don’t know if the director (Terry Hughs) was hungover (probably, he had a notorious drinking problem), but this episode contains countless omissions to detail and cohesiveness.

What stands out the most, is that there is countless breaking of the 180 rule. (For those of you who are not in the know, this basic filmmaking rule states that two characters in the same scene should always have the same left/right relationship to each other) The camera clearly crosses the 180 degree line time after time. It may be because there were scenes in a hospital room and they needed all the angles they could salvage, but really, come on. You’re showing this to America. At least have the decency to put Dorothy in the corner or something.

EPISODE F214 - “Ladies of the Evening”

This episode was one of the show’s lesser-known “floptastics”.

First thing’s first: the lighting. I don’t know which gaffer forgot to put his corrective lenses on, but to me, it looks as if Blanche’s make up is part of her skin. If it weren’t for the starry backdrop in the window, I wouldn’t be able to tell day for night. Let’s cut it down a few footcandles, guys, and show me you’re trying.

EPISODE 311 - “The Way We Met”

Finally, the producers grew some sense and threw together a half hour full of flashbacks and backstory. The “Girls” spend the entire half hour explaining the way they met. It should deliver, however, the writing falls flat. Think about their past, guys. Really feel their motivations out.

Also, the location of their first meeting is a bit lackluster. They all met at a supermarket? Come on, boys. You have a network budget and Hollywood set designers. Have them meet somewhere awesome, like at the center of the earth, or my dream location: Nazi Germany. Nothing evokes cinematic emotion more like four runaway Jews who decide to dodge the Holocaust by living in a swanky retirement complex in southern Florida. That was my biggest bone to pick with this episode. And the editing was way off.

Dave Epson is a junior at NYU Tisch School of the Arts. He majors in Film Directing, and has created such student films as “Untitled: First Year Final Project” and “Human Disease: Explored”. He is from Dayton, Ohio.