Helping you be the greenest of everyone you know. (Part II in an occasional series)

Breaking news! A friend with inside sources has sent warning of an impending “financial crisis” that could affect our nation’s economy. I have a hunch that this will turn out to be a false alarm, but it does beg the question: what if there is some major recession some day that weakens the economies of countries around the world? And more relevant here, what would be the greenest thing to do in such a scenario?

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Whether this hypothetical crisis merely destabilizes global markets or ushers in a new era of mass hysteria and chaos, it is never an inappropriate time to add that environmentally conscious footer to your personal and business emails if you have not done so already:

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Cannibalistic Biker Gangs

In the case that the recession does lead to widespread economic collapse, the fabric of civilization will crumble, which means panic in the streets, which means marauding gangs of post-apocalyptic cannibal bikers. 

Apply cannibal biker makeup and garments (keep it authentic!) so that you may be chosen to join the most respectable gang that visits your neighborhood. Once your allegiance has been established (i.e. you have murdered and consumed innocent humans, preferably loved ones), you can get close to the leader and use your influence with him to make yours the greenest cannibal biker gang around.