Not all of you reading this live and work in New York City, but I think through movies like “Hitch” and “Spiderman 2″ you have a basic enough familiarity with the place to agree with me on the following point: New York has some really, really hot women. But life in New York is super fast-paced. How does one meet these hot women? A bar? A coffee shop? I say, the subway! What follows, is a primer.

The first step is finding a hot woman. This can be achieved by simply walking down the subway platform while you wait for the train. Odds are you’ll run into one. At this stage it is important to make no more than fleeting eye contact as you pass by, and it is equally important to stop on the platform no closer than ten and no further than fifteen feet from her on the platform. There are a lot of dangerous creeps trying to pick up girls on the subway, and you want her to be comfortable in knowing that, while a little creepy, you are one of the harmless ones.

Once you’ve stopped on the platform, as any good hunter would tell you, it’s time to put out the bait. First you lean casually up against the subway pole. Be careful not to be too slouchy or too upright. The right amount of casual lean exudes a sense of, “I’m just commuting” which is EXACTLY what you want your body language to say. Now it’s time to clandestinely pick up on clues to her personality based on her clothing and accessories and fashion yourself accordingly. For this reason I always carry a shoulder bag with several clothing accessories, an iPod, and no less than three books. Is she a hip/artsy girl? Bam, put on a scarf and pull out the newest Dave Eggers book. Does she look bookish and plain? “Jane Eyre”. If she’s the office-y type, put a tie on over your sweatshirt and starts reading “How to Build a Small Business” (because those chicks love entrepreneurs). The iPod is a bit of a gambit here. While it is the ultimate in saying, “Really, I’m just commuting” it also makes you look like a douchebag 85% of the time.

Once the train arrives, it’s important to choose your place in the train car first. If she chooses a seat out of your visual field, then you failed. You failed miserably. But if she chooses one closer to you, then, so far, you’ve done things right. Maybe she noticed your scarf or your book or your cool t-shirt (ALWAYS prominently display your cool t-shirt). At this point, it’s important to remember something about pretty girls on subways: they get stared at. A lot. To avoid uncomfortable situations they often try to avoid any eye contact. But if they’re interested, they won’t avoid eye contact with you. To build some eye contact trust you should begin by doing a sweep of the train. This can be construed as normal behavior, checking the train for any unsavory characters, crazies, or homeless people. As you come across the girl in your scan, and she returns your gaze, linger on her for a moment as if to say, “Look, lady. Really, I’m just commuting. But I dig you.” It is very important that the look you give her says just that. Myself, I practice in the mirror every morning just to make sure I’m sharp. You can repeat this as necessary, no more than twice per stop.

Most likely, she’ll leave the train before you. Why? Because that’s what hot chicks do; they leave early. Has a pretty girl ever stayed at a party past 2 am? No way. Make sure you lock eyes with her from the time the train stops to the time she’s out the door, this time saying, “Seriously, I’m just commuting but DDDDAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN!”

Never, under any circumstances, should you talk to her. You will immediately invalidate all the work you did in making her think you were cool. I know it’s unfair, but cool guys don’t pick up girls on the subway. Unless they’re supercool. And if you’re reading this you probably aren’t.