Congratulations! You started a blog. Here are 5 tips to maintaining a successful web log.

1. Go back in time to the moment before you decided to start a blog. Instead of starting a blog, volunteer somewhere. You have just made the world a much better place.

2. No words. Just pictures of boobs.

3. Instead of writing introspectively about your own experiences, dedicate your blog to writing superficially about someone else. For starters, you’re guaranteed the person you chose to write about will read your blog religiously. But also, everyone who knows that person will probably read it as well. People hate to read, but when they do, they’d rather read gossip than your thoughts on the Presidential race .

4. Write your blog with the syntactical abilities of your seventh grade self. Remember that time in your life when you thought you were going to be a novelist and that you were already at the linguistic ability to pull it off? The overreaching complex sentences and vocabulary you didn’t quite understand? Yeah that. Why do this? Just trust me on this one.

5. Combine number 3 and 4. Write a blog about another person from your seventh grade self.

I decided to start a blog using tip number 5. Here’s the first submission:

When you start a new blog or profile, picking that knockout profile picture is no doubt one of the most important elements! Do you see my profile picture? (Enlarged below.) I picked one where I was laughing and shrugging my shoulders. This can convey to people that laughing is an important facet of your personality. Your profile picture can also convey to people whether or not you are bearded, or have been bearded in the past…

I want to talk about another person’s profile picture. My friend Paul’s. He picked a posed shot with his cat. I was actually with him when he made the choice and had some influence over the decision. You may think that Paul is trying to convey that he is a cat person. But actually it’s sort of a joke!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post where I’ll explain the joke…

CLIFFHANGER!!!