I’m calling “B S” on all this Halloween costume stuff!  My boss sent out an email this week reminding us that “The mandatory annual company costume contest is scheduled for October 23rd!”  I’m bothered for several reasons.  #1) Mandatory humiliation.  #2)  October 23rd is a Thursday and  over a week before the recognized “Holiday.”  It lands on a Thursday because the bosses have learned that if they do it on Fridays more people will call in sick. 

   I ride the bus.  This creates several issue on dress up holidays.  I don’t want to be one of the pathetic jerks wearing a half ass costume on the city bus at 5:30am.  Especially a week before it’s technically expected.  Perhaps I should dress up like a bum with puke on my beard so I can just blend in?.  Oh, but that’s not “PC” or “in good taste.”  Like making your underpaid employees show up in face paint and itchy wigs is any better.  The annual torture that is Halloween got me thinking: “What exactly is Halloween celebrating?” 

   Some believe a headless horseman.  Some believe candy is the reason.  Others think it’s “the one day I get to be a kid again!”  I think it’s just another holiday that some company created to make money.  Perhaps colonial dentists had the idea to get us all to pig out on tooth rotting sugar?  Maybe cosmetic companies started the tradition to sell makeup?  I guess it could even be a broom company who decided they needed a mascot.   “I got it, Witches!” 

  The fact is, even Wikipediahas a hard time explaining what the heck Halloween is and where it’s origins lie.  I don’t mean LIE!  That’s just it,  it’s all a sham.  We’ve been duped.  Mothers day is an example of a crooked holiday.  It’s a popular belief that Hallmark created the annual celebration to sell it’s lame limericks.  Others say it was a woman back in 1905 who was concerned over mothers being neglected by their kids.  In 1905?  I think they had other concerns to worry about like Typhoid and Scarlet Fever.  I’m going with Hallmark.  I believe that the tooth fairy was also probably created for profit.  Maybe by the US mint?  Maybe even a pillow company?  New Years likely had some calendar company behind it.  Arbor day was surely created by some guy selling garden trowels and so on.

    I too like to party but I want to do it on my terms and not  to profit some sneaky corporate guy.  Presidents days is just about the only day I don’t feel guilty celebrating.  There’s no hidden marketing agenda.  I almost always buy a car that weekend.  This years top Halloween costumes will surely be Palin, Bush and my boss.   A few “sluts” will be sprinkled in too, which is great.  Some guy in accounting named Craig will wear a white shirt with a bunch of stuff written on it waiting to tell people he’s “Craigslist.”  A few will phone it in with their Letterman jackets or even just sweats an a headband to be “athletes.”  Several will simply appear too fat to pull off whatever character they are impersonating.  My boss will show that he’s a fun guy by wearing a 70’s leisure suit.   I need this stupid job so I’ll give in and spend too much time and money on a lame attempt at a clever pop culture reference.  It also needs to be run by HR before it’s approved.  The winner gets an extra sick day added to their file so I’m giving it all I got in hopes that I can use that sick day on the next halloween party.  Which is scheduled for October 11th of 2009.