The polls keep saying that this race is neck and neck, but I’m just not buying it. Obama has it wrapped up. I’m headed for the parking lot to beat the traffic out of the stadium. These are the same polls that thought Hillary was going to blow Obama out of the water.

When they do these surveys, they’re only calling people who have landline phones. You know who answers landlines? Old people. You know who takes the time to sit on their landline and take a survey? Extremely old, bored people. You know what old, bored people have in common with McCain? Only everything!

McCain seems like a good dude and all, but come on how do you vote against MLK day? He’s seventy-two years old, he loves war, and his wife stole meds from an orphanage. Stealing from Orphans is about as close as it gets to actually stealing candy from babies.

Historically, when the economy goes south, Americans always elect the opposing party of the one currently holding power. So if this game wasn’t already over 10 months ago, it certainly ended the moment Sarah Palin came on board. Granted, nobody knows what exactly a vice president does, but they should always fulfill one very critical role–that is, in the case of an emergency (e.g. seventy-two year old man dies) they should be someone who could step in and be a solid back-up leader. Sarah Palin doesn’t exactly fit the bill. You just shouldn’t be able to go from Governor of Alaska, to one heart-attack away from President of the USA.

Penguins live in Alaska! Actually never mind, I was confusing Alaska with Antarctica. But you know why I’m confused the two? Because they’re basically the same place! The primary difference being, Antarctica doesn’t have a Governor running for Vice President! Penguins!!