5. Raggedy Ann and Andy

Along with the enormous, easily angered mass of self-consuming greed, Raggedy Ann and Andy also featured such child-friendly characters as Sir Leonard Looney, the deranged knight who comes off as a murderously flamboyant vaudevillian dog-hybrid on crystal meth.

4. Cloak and Dagger

A young boy’s failure to cope with a dead mother and a negligent father has led to hallucinatory psychosis. Now he is being hunted by murderers. It’s Hitchcock for kids!

3. Never Ending Story

Artax. Swamp of Sadness. Let’s not relive it.

But here it is:

2. Labyrinth

Being chased through a maze of infinite staircases by an omnipresent David Bowie in tights? Nightmare. Add Jim Henson? Kid’s movie.

1. The Dark Crystal

Seriously, did Henson secretly hate kids? Why was I even allowed to watch this?