It’s a good time to be Christian Lander, the creator of Stuff White People Like. First his very own blog, then a six-figure book deal, and last week an appearance on Conan. Want to be the next Lander? Here are some spin-off sites that can surely rival Stuff White People Like’s success:

Stuff Animals Like: The absence of self-awareness.

An animal does not possess the capacity for analytic thought. This means they are free from the burden of consciousness. They graze completely unencumbered by the knowledge that each day is one closer to the grave. It should be noted that an animal’s specific preferences can vary among species. For instance while a lion may like wildebeests, a dog might enjoy chewing on tennis balls.

Stuff Zombies Like: Brains.

What’s interesting about zombies isn’t there affinity for brains, but rather their complete lack of interest for anything they refer to as “not brains, arggghh”. Whether it’s flesh, marrow, ice-skating or a relaxing Sunday, Zombies are totally apathetic. Sadly when a zombie has successfully procured a fresh specimen, he or she can not enjoy the fruit (or matter) of their labor; they are already thinking about their next fix. Is that human across the street, screaming and running around in circles going to escape before I can stiffly amble over? Sigh.

Stuff Sandra Bullocks Like: Scripts with complicated or supernatural premises.

What if a bus was rigged with an explosive device and it got hijacked and it couldn’t go under 50 miles per hour or the bomb would explode? Even better what if that happened to a boat? (Substitute knots.) Sandra Bullocks know the space-time continuum is an absolute, undeniable truth, but they are not afraid to make films that pose the question: what if it wasn’t? (See: The Lake House.) Other than needlessly-complex thrillers, Sandra Bullocks also thrive in the more popular genre of romantic comedies. However, in films that lean more heavily on the “com” than the “rom,” Sandra Bullocks will turn in flat, dull performances.

Stuff Hobo clowns Like: Poverty.

At first thought this may seem nonsensical. A hobo clown is down and out so wouldn’t it stand that the acquisition of riches would turn that frown upside down? Perhaps. But then the hobo clown would cease to be a hobo clown. He could no longer hilariously turn his pant pockets inside out, then shrug his shoulders sadly when nothing comes out. His shtick is predicated on his soceo-economic standing. If poverty is not something a hobo clown likes, then perhaps he must ask himself which he is first: a hobo or a clown.

Stuff My Ex-girlfriends Like: Taller guys who have a real job.

Before they become ex-girlfriends, these unlucky ladies believe dating an amateur comedy writer will be all fun and games. But the attraction wears thin when they quickly realize that the driving force for many budding comedians is a need for validation stemming from a lack of confidence or an obsession with being liked.