Almost every car dealership I’ve ever seen has a display of balloons outside. This doesn’t seem like a big deal until you think about how universal these displays are from one car dealership to the next. This means that balloons have been proven, time and time again, to boost car sales. Not only that, but they’re so effective that almost no car dealership goes without them.

This is curious because it’s not like helium balloons are low maintenance; I imagine someone has to refresh the helium or buy and hang new balloons on a regular basis. Furthermore, someone on staff is being paid to manage this whole operation.

Let’s imagine a hypothetical motorist driving along with no idea that he’s about to buy a new car:

Motorist: “Just minding my own business, singing along to this sweet new Katy Perry tune, ‘I Kissed a Girl.’ Hey! Look at all them colorful floaties! They sure are floaty (Turns down radio volume, slows vehicle). Well hot damn if there aren’t a bunch of real shiny cars right below, with the strings from the balloons leading my eyes downward like a lighthouse beacon to my lost ship! If only these wondrous engine machines were for sale. Hell yes I can put down 20% today, I’ve been lookin’ for a new pickup for ten years. I just never knew where they were at!”

But the real question is how can these dealerships calculate if the balloons are working? Is someone passing out a survey and are the surveys secretly being funded by the balloon industry? Most likely yes and here’s what it looks like:

1) How did you find out about this car dealership?

2) If your answer to number one was, “The balloons.”, congratulations, you’re correct! If not, please stop here, and discreetly place survey in the trash.

3) Clearly balloons are an effective marketing strategy, wouldn’t you agree?
A) Yes B) Maybe C) Definitely D) Sort-of

4) What’s your favorite color balloon?
A) Red B) Blue C)Yellow D) I like all balloons.

Thanks for your time, we’re happy that you liked our balloons, and we’ll make sure to share these results with every other dealership in the country.