As the Olympic basketball tournament enters its elimination round, fans have one question: can USA Basketball take home the gold? With a team of world-class athletes from the country that invented the sport, they should dominate the competition like China dominates its ethnic minorities, but they didn’t even medal four years ago. It turns out FIBA (which stands for International Basketball, somehow) is a much different game than the NBA. The 5 main differences:

1. The FIBA rulebook ignores NBA Rule 585.67B: ” If Lebron James charges into the lane, cradling the basketball in his arms, and dunks the ball while knocking down an opposing player trying to get out of the way, the opposing player will be charged with a foul.”

2. Teams are allowed to play five white guys at the same time.

3. Uniform numbers are metric, forcing Kobe to wear number 21.94.

4.International referees are completely corrupt. While this is also true of NBA refs, the FIBA refs are controlled by the European Mafia—bribing them is a complex process that can take months, involve dozens of intermediaries, and require sending seven boiled lobsters to the Prime Minister of Andorra.

5. The 3-point line is three feet closer. Seriously, this is extremely important.