Here’s something that happened to me at Borders that I found so odd, and yet so funny. I was shopping for a gift for my nephew when a guy came up out of no where and started talking to me. He began the conversation by asking where the music section was - it being late and my not being in the mood, I told him I didn’t work there and no, I didn’t know. Although, I’m pretty nice so it probably came out in a high, soft, sweet tone. He said he knew that I didn’t work there and there was a long…awkward pause while I waited to see why he wasn’t leaving.

He then went on to ask me questions & talk about things clearly in line for the “I’m going to ask you out” moment. Such things as: what music do you like? Where do you go out? Why do you keep your curtains closed at night? Ok, not the last one. Mind you, I’m sitting way back in the corner of the store (I don’t even know how he found me) in the children’s section next to two very little girls, drinking coffee and clearly trying to display my wedding ring…waiting for him to notice. No such luck. It happens - he asks, “If I were a puppy, would you keep me?” Actually no, what he said was, “I’ve heard sex is a killer, wanna die happy?” Ok, not that one either. Anyway, he finally does ask if I would like to go out with him and I tell him no, I’m married.

His response, “well, would you go out with me if you weren’t?” What?! Seriously?! Yes, our .5 second conversation was so stimulating that I would definitely have gone out with you, heck, had I only met you before my husband, who knows? What?! I still find it hilarious, he really wanted to know my answer and continued to ask me more questions after I gave no response and stood there in shock & awe. Luckily, my phone rang and this strange person that found me went running - yes, running away. It was all very Napoleon Dynamite revisited now that I look back.

I guess the moral of my little story is that it’s great to have the confidence and gusto to ask someone out, but - you may want to have talked to him/her for I don’t know - a minute - before doing so (with some interest coming back from the other side beyond a blank, scared stare), or it’s just creepy and you leave the person feeling dirty and watched. yikes.

Had he used one of these pick-up lines, things might have worked for him:

• Baby, I’m like Taco Bell - I’ll spice up your night
• You have an onion butt - it makes me want to cry
• If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print
• I’m not really this tall, I’m sitting on my wallet
• If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together
• I’m just a love pirate looking for some booty
• Oh…you’re lookin’ fine. Not in the good way, in the “you’ll do” way

If only…