Ok, by now I figure that more than half the world watches American Idol, at least, if not more. It’s clearly taken over everything - I mean, Ryan Seacrest is famous for goodness sake people! I was one of the sole few several years ago that didn’t watch, and I am now just like everyone else - my husband and I watch it religiously every week. For all those who think they are too cool for it like I did- I must just say, let it suck you in! We definitely forward through the pointless stuff - like the call in questions from the viewers, the beginning singers we didn’t like, the joking around Ryan does with the singers while they try to put hand signals up of their number for the camera (the point of which is beyond me). Although we don’t take the time to vote, we still manage to yell at the TV as the results of those that did are given. What a joke it was when Michael Johns got kicked off - he was great, and not bad to look at.

Last week, Kristy Lee Cook was let go. While I wanted her to get the ax many weeks ago, I thought she wasn’t the one America should have voted off last week. I mean come on…how more annoying can Brooke White get?! The way she always smiles at the audience and consoles us when she gets a bad review with the “it’s ok, it’s ok” line. What?! No, it’s not ok Brooke, we wanted you off! My husband finds the fact that she hasn’t seen an R rated movie reason enough to vote her off, never mind her singing. I would have to agree. This has been the American Idol with really great singers - but, equally frustrating people on trying to get attention and ham it up (*cough, Brooke & Kristy, cough, cough*). But, I digress.

By now I think everyone assumes it will come down to David Archuleta (who says his favorite quote is, “You’ll never be lonely if you befriend yourself” - I just had to add that in - classic) and David Cook. And, who doesn’t like Jason Castro, but I don’t think he can pull of the win. Maybe if he didn’t look so stoned he’d get more votes?! Regardless, he’s in my top three.

Since I have all these opinions I should actually vote! But, then I would just have more to complain about and would be so much more frustrated when the next person to get voted off isn’t Brooke. Geesh - for such a family friendly show - it sure brings out a lot of aggression in me, I’m sure Brooke is really quite lovely.

No, I am not talking about it making funny noises. Although if you want to change the sounds it makes, here are some articles on that, and a place where you can find some free sounds to use. Vista, WinXP/Win2k, free sounds. (This can make a great joke on others. Listen to this to see what happened when I changed a roommate’s error message.)

This article shows us that our computers don’t tell us jokes because we haven’t taught them how to yet. For those who don’t wish to walk through the code, an explanation in the article gives a short break down of what it does.

The program is written LISP, which is mostly used in the programming of artificial intelligence programs. It forms a joke/pun in the form of: What happens when you cross x with y? And then gives you a comedic answer.

First thing the program has to learn are words. But it isn’t just as simple as uploading a dictionary of words. We also have to tell the program what words relate to each other, and if any of them sounds like each other.

Example:

• a port on a computer can be a serial port, so we have a relationship between ‘port’ and ’serial’.
• frosted flakes are a cereal, so there is a relation between ‘frosted flakes’ and ‘cereal’.
• ‘Serial’ and ‘cereal’ sound like each other.

Which led the program to create one of my new favorite jokes (from the article).

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A PORT WITH FROSTED FLAKES?
I don’t know, but it’s serial

So while this program can come up with some fabulous one liners, I don’t see it taking over the joke telling scene. Why don’t you go tell some fabulous jokes to make sure we stay ahead of mechanical joke machines!

As is the case every year - people are scrambling to get their taxes in by tomorrow. Either people are laughing all the way to the bank - or not. If you are a regular reader, you know I’m heading to Vegas, so this tax season was good to me and hopefully will only get bigger and better in Vegas!

It’s said that people who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women. Therefore my friends, if this was not your year, you are not alone.

So, if you need a laugh tomorrow - check out Comic Wonder. Below is my favorite text tax joke; for more great jokes go to our joke limbo– a location where you can save the text jokes that lay dormant and tell them with your own witty tone, accent, or inflection. Truly make them your own and compete to be our contest winner!

Here goes:

“A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, ‘I’d like to try the bet.’ After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, ‘What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?’ The man replied, ‘no, I work for the IRS.’”

Our late night comedians are also in on the tax time banter:

“President Bush says he’s going to simplify the tax code. Only the states that are blue will have to pay.” –-David Letterman

“President Bush said yesterday it doesn’t make any sense to raise taxes on the rich because rich people can figure out how to dodge taxes. Then Dick Cheney said ‘Shut up! You’re ruining everything.’” –Jay Leno

I have a confession.  I read articles just for the comments. I wasn’t always this superficial, but alas this is the person I have become.

My mind boggles at the simple fact that millions of us find time each day to comment on some poor person’s post. Although the vast majority of comments fall into the simple”like it or lump it” variety, an occasional comment demonstrates the mark of inspired genius.  I live for that moment of discovery.  And evidently, I’m not alone.

For those of us addicted to funny comments, we spend countless hours on YouTube reading and commenting on the comments without ever watching the video.  When we find that brilliant comment, we celebrate the victory by quickly forwarding it to all our friends.

In that spirit, I must share. The following funny comment was posted on Craigslist last year.  The post was in response to a young woman’s (25) blatant attempt to find her sugar daddy. The fact that someone took the time to pen such a perfect e-epistle gives me hope for humanity.

So, without any further ado, here is: “What am I doing wrong?”

The team at Comic Wonder awoke this morning to a rave review from Donald Pennington (aka ‘nostate’ to our Comic Wonders) on Associated Content. It left us all warm and fuzzy inside; which with our crew first thing in the morning, is no small feat!

Here are some of the highlights:

“I love these folks. They’re maybe one of the best, most fun, and funniest things I’ve ever found on the web. They can get a little spicy but other than that it’s three dyslexic, ADD-diagnosed, gorillas of fun! Well I guess you SHOULD know, after all, that I’m talking about Comic Wonder. You just might laugh until you wet yourself. So, be prepared!

The first part of their awesome assault on your ab-muscles is that there are so many funny jokes that you might not ever get through all of them! And next is that even if I’m lying about how many jokes there are it’s really easy for you to submit one of your own right now!”

To read more of the review, click here.

Thank you, Donald Pennington, for the great feedback! We are so happy you are enjoying the site, telling some great jokes, and spreading the good word to others.

A free Comic Wonder hat and some beer money; what a way to upgrade your image!

The Comic Wonder team is in need of your help — we are seeking out constructive feedback on our website. We have five short questions that will be over in no time; it’s as easy as telling a joke on the site (although, probably not as fun!)

To thank all of our wonderful, hilarious, loyal (hey, we could go on here) members who respond, we will do a random drawing and give away $50 and a hat!

Please provide your feedback by Thursday, April 17th.

And remember: This is your chance to tell us what you really think of Comic Wonder - don’t be shy - we can take it!

To go to the survey, click here. Thanks for your time and efforts!

My husband and I are heading out on a getaway weekend in Las Vegas soon to sunbath at the pool, sip afternoon cocktails, see a show or two, and basically revel in each others company and have some Vegas fun! I am counting the days until I can find myself sitting on that plane (without my laptop)! I am surprised to write that what happens in Vegas, must really stay there. When I went to see what crazy info I could find on Vegas travel stories - it was all rather uneventful; or completely predictable = boring.

Anyway, this trip got me to thinking of the traveling I’ve done that has gone horribly awry and left me running through airports, riding a bus home instead of a plane, and even arriving at our hotel and finding it offered its rooms by the hour (I’m sure you can imagine how lovely of a place that was). Not to mention when our hotel room got robbed when we were at the pool, how can I forget that one! Those problems are no joke, traveling can be rough and we all have our sob stories. Hopefully the trip was worth it and eventually you can have a good laugh and prepare for your next travel excursion.
I came across this great post on strangeplaces.net of conversations that took place between travelers and travel agents - it’s quite unbelievable really. Here are my favorites:

• A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?

• A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

• I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” He said, “But, they look so close on the map.”

• A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who’s luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No,why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” After putting her on hold for a minute while I “looked into it” (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

• I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. “Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response … click.

Everyone knows that April Fools’ Day is a celebration of jokes, tricks, pranks and “pulling one over” on others .

For the Top 100 April Fool’s Day hoaxes of all time - click here.

But, where did it all begin? Its origins are actually uncertain. Some see it as a celebration related to the turn of the seasons (people’s general joy and lightheartedness at the coming of spring), while others believe it stems from the adoption of a new calendar. Ancient cultures, including those as varied as the Romans and the Hindus, celebrated New Year’s Day on or around April 1. It closely follows the vernal equinox (March 20th or March 21st.) In medieval times, much of Europe celebrated March 25, the Feast of Annunciation, as the beginning of the new year.

In 1582, Pope Gregory XIII ordered a new calendar (the Gregorian Calendar) to replace the old Julian Calendar. The new calendar called for New Year’s Day to be celebrated Jan. 1. That year, France adopted the reformed calendar and shifted New Year’s day to Jan. 1.

According to a popular explanation, many people either refused to accept the new date, or did not learn about it, and continued to celebrate New Year’s Day on April 1. Other people began to make fun of these traditionalists, sending them on “fool’s errands” or trying to trick them into believing something false. Eventually, the practice spread throughout Europe.

There are at least two difficulties with this explanation. The first is that it doesn’t fully account for the spread of April Fools’ Day to other European countries. The Gregorian calendar was not adopted by England until 1752, for example, but April Fools’ Day was already well established there by that point. The second is that we have no direct historical evidence for this explanation, only conjecture, and that conjecture appears to have been made more recently. For more info, go to http://www.infoplease.com/spot/aprilfools1.html.

If the joke is on you this April Fools’ Day, take the advice of Max Eastman, “It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.”