Last night I went to dinner with a girl friend who reminded me how annoying the whole Valentine’s Day hoopla can be if you’re single. To my surprise, I went online and found a ton of sites dedicated to Anti-Valentine’s Day!  Here are some Comic Wonder jokes that will remind you that the grass may not always be greener!

Also check out Valentine’s Day Cards for Ex-Valentine’s at www.badcupid.com!

• “Honey,” said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
  “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
  “I know all that.”
  “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
  “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

• A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
  His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
  The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

• The Devil walked into a crowded bar. Within seconds the bar emptied with people running out screaming all over the place, all except for one old man. The Devil wandered across to the old man and said, “Do you know how I am?” The old man took another sip of his beer and answered, “Yep.” The Devil stared at the old man and asked, “Well aren’t you afraid?” The old man looked the Devil up and down for a minute and shrugged, “nah, I’ve been married to your sister for 40 years. Why the hell should I be scared of you?”

• An unhappy wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

• Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?” “That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.” “Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…” “I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.” Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?” “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?” “Well, no Brenda, no.” “No?” “Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”